A Life Adrift
by Ditzybea
Summary: Luke & Noah Mayer were living a charmed life, until Luke is robbed of seven years of his memories.  The last thing Luke remembers is coming out, after that nothing.  Noah vows to stand by his man, if Luke will let him. NukeBigBang2010 entry Nuke/Luke/Noah
1. Chapter One

**This was my NukeBigBang entry. This was hard to write and took a lot out of me. I hope you guys like it as much as I did writing it. I will post the whole thing as I get time.**

**There will angst, but that doesn't turn you guys off.**

**Hope you enjoy it!**

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**Chapter One**

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Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep

Noah rolled onto his left side and brought his hand down on the snooze button on his alarm clock. Their bedroom grew silent again. He rolled back to his right and wrapped his arm around his husband's waist. He brought Luke as close as he could. He burrowed under the comforter and relished in the feeling of Luke's skin against his. Noah rested his chin on Luke's shoulder. He loved how Luke's skin smelled in the morning. Warmed from sleeping and by now any cologne or bodywash he used yesterday had worn off and he could smell just him. It was musky and sweet at the same time. Noah figured it came from living on a farm as a kid. Nature was just part of who he was. Noah lightly kissed Luke's shoulder and watched as goosebumps ran down his husband's arm. He smiled into Luke's skin and continued along his shoulder. He came to Luke's neck and lightly nibbled at the skin just under his hairline. Luke tried to pull away; Noah was hitting all of his ticklish spots.

Noah's hand, which had been rubbing circles on Luke's abs, decided to venture south. Noah's fingers brushed at the soft hairs under Luke's navel and then slid under the waistband of Luke's sweat pants. Luke wasn't sure which sensation to concentrate on first, Noah's mouth on his shoulders or Noah's hand as it wrapped around his cock. Luke was still floating back to consciousness when his and Noah's alarms went off. Realizing that neither man could afford to be late today, they shared a frustrated groan, a quick kiss and pulled themselves out of bed.

* * *

Noah was in the shower while Luke brushed his teeth. Noah peeked out from behind the curtain and saw Luke with his eyes closed. Noah knew that look. Luke had a big presentation at Grimaldi and he was going over his notes in his head. Noah watched him rinse out his mouth and turn to enter their bedroom. He quickly reached out, grabbed the back of Luke's sweats and pulled him back to the shower. Luke fought, but not very hard. Noah pulled him into the shower, pants and all. Luke wrapped his arms around Noah's shoulders and pulled their bodies together. Noah's hands finished stripping Luke and gripped the shorter man's hips. Their hardening members ground together and both men groaned in pleasure. Noah pushed harder against the blonde and Luke's head rolled back while Noah devoured the buffet of skin in front of him. Luke loved it when Noah sucked on the skin just below his collarbones. The rational spot in his brain was telling him that they didn't have time for this. But the part that was tuned on by Noah was screaming at him to shut up and enjoy the ride.

Noah pushed on Luke's shoulder and turned the man around. His chest was flush against the shower wall and Noah was right behind him; rubbing his hard cock against Luke's ass. He didn't say anything; he didn't need to. They never had to speak at times like this. They seemed to know what the other was thinking already. Luke was surrounded by stimuli; so much that he was going to overload. He could feel the hot water from the shower beating down on him. He could feel Noah's hot, wet skin against his own. Noah's fingers were sliding in and out of him; prepping him. Noah's mouth never left his skin as his hands took their time with him. Noah pushed into Luke and both men groaned in the heat.

The only sounds that filled the bathroom were the two men as they pushed each other over the edge.

* * *

"You're gonna be late!" Noah yelled to Luke as he poured himself another cup of coffee.

"No, I'm not. I'm going to be right on time," Luke answered in a sing-song voice as he breezed into the kitchen. He quickly scooped Noah's cup out of his hand and sipped from it. Noah leaned against the center island and watched his husband as he moved about the kitchen. He was sipping coffee while he made a quick breakfast for himself. His blonde hair was a little longer than Noah liked, but it swept just off his face in a manner that Noah did like. The only time he did love it when Luke's hair was longer was when he got to sweep it away before he kissed him; like opening a curtain to a beautiful view. Luke was wearing his black jacket and blue plaid tie on top of a crisp white shirt; his favorite look.

"What?" Luke inquired.

"What?" Noah asked back.

"You're staring at me,"

"Nothing, just…I love you," Noah blurted out without much thought. His cheeks flushed slightly; after seven years together, Luke could still make him blush.

"Aw, baby. I love you too," he crossed the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Noah neck. Noah's arms went around Luke waist and they met at kiss. He pulled back and saw the time on the microwave behind Noah, "Now, I'm going to be late," he checked his watch to verify he was right.

"Are we still on for lunch?" Noah asked while he watched Luke shove files into his messenger bag.

"Yup!" He yelled over his shoulder as he went out the back door.

"Don't cancel again!" He yelled to Luke and then shook as he head as he watched him get into his car and pull out of their driveway. Noah laughed to himself; he was thinking about Luke when he got his things together and left as well.

* * *

Luke walked out onto the fifteenth floor of the building were the Grimaldi Shipping offices were housed. The office was already a bustle of activity. Luke had been given the reins of the company from his biological father about four years before. Luke never saw himself as a business man, but he quickly learned the ropes and hasn't looked back. He was so glad that he was able to take over for his father. As much as he despised the Grimaldi name, he didn't want the company run by anyone else.

"Good morning," Luke said as he rounded the reception desk and saw Alex; his assistant. Alex had been with Grimaldi for years and Luke trusted him implicitly. When Luke finally accepted his role in the company it was Alex that showed him the ropes. Luke quickly learned about international shipping laws and market strategies. He not only kept the company profitable, but he also made it one of the most giving companies in the country. Luke's foundation, which he set up with his Grimaldi inheritance, was linked to company and he was able to make so many philanthropic contributions with it.

"Morning Chief," Alex always called him "chief", but it was an improvement over him calling Luke "coach" last year. "Coffee?" Alex offered and Luke quickly grabbed the cup from his assistant. Alex fell in step behind Luke as they walked to his office.

"Thanks. I didn't get any this morning. How are we looking today?" Luke asked as they got to his office and he put his things down.

"Well, the meeting with Diversified is on for 10 am,"

"Good, I promised Noah I'd meet him for lunch,"

"Really. You cancel every time," Alex said with a smirk.

"I know, but I may surprise him once. What else you got for me?" Luke asked as he sipped from his coffee and started to sift through his mail.

"Your mom called this morning about foundation business; she said she will forward all the information to your inbox. And Mrs. Walsh called; she is expecting a call back this afternoon,"

"Alex, you can call her something other than Mrs. Walsh," Luke said with a light chuckle.

"No way, she scares me too much," Alex said as a shiver went through his body.

* * *

About a half hour later Luke and Alex were in the Grimaldi Shipping board room, waiting for the Diversified meeting to start. Alex was setting out brochures and Luke was sitting at the head of the table. He was supposed to be looking over his presentation notes, but when Alex looked up he saw Luke just staring off into space. He was a little worried about his boss; he seemed a bit distracted today. Alex stepped up to Luke and rubbed his back.

"Hey. Are you ok?" He looked at Luke and it was like he had just woken from sleep.

"Ah? Yeah, fine," Luke responded and tightly rubbed the back of his neck. Alex couldn't help but watch him for a few more minutes.

"Are you sure that you're ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he seemed all right, but Alex couldn't think about it now. The board from Diversified just walked in. A short bald man in a bad grey suit walked up to Luke, who rose to meet him.

"Mr. Mayer, good morning,"

"Good morning, Mr. Johnson. How was your drive this morning?" Luke asked as the two men shook hands.

"Not too bad. Are you ready for us?"

"Of course," Luke responded as he looked about the room. The room was filling up quickly and Luke had to put his game face on. "If I can have everyone's attention, we are about to get underway, there are refreshments near the doors there. Once everyone finds a chair we can get started," Luke said. He walked to the front of the room and stood next to the large screen that his presentation was going to be shown on. He felt like he was in high school again, doing a presentation of some class that he hated and was nervous as hell. Luke may seem confident, but deep inside he was worried. He was 26 years old and he was the head of a multi-billion dollar shipping conglomerate. He was lucky to have a great staff that had become invaluable to him. He held the remote for his projector and he felt off. He chalked it up to nerves, but that didn't explain the ringing in ears. After everyone had their coffee or water and took their seats, Luke started.

"Well, good morning everyone. My name is Luke Mayer and I first want to thanks Mr. Adam Johnson for taking time for this meeting. Let's get started shall we," Luke said and nodded to Alex, who lowered the lights slightly. Luke clicked the remote and the Grimaldi logo disappeared and was replaced with a pie chart. "Two years ago Grimaldi Shipping moved into railway transport. In those two years we have become the number three shipping company in North America, behind Fed-Ex and UPS respectively, with the best on time record in the industry. Now," Luke stopped mid-sentence. His vision got cloudy, his fingers grew cold and he felt dizzy. Alex saw his boss falter and stepped up to him. He put a hand on Luke's arm and squeezed to get his attention. His eyes locked with Luke's and for one moment Luke looked lost, like he didn't know where he was. But in another flash Alex could see recognition come into Luke's eyes.

"Are you ok?" Alex whispered.

"Of course," he said and gave Alex a weak smile. Luke looked at the 20 people assembled and straightened his spine. He turned back to the group and put a smile back on. "Excuse me, I guess I gave up coffee on the wrong day," Luke joked and the collective party shared a laugh. He took a sip from the glass of water that sat in front of him and let out a long breath. Luke patted Alex on the shoulder and went back to the presentation. Alex stepped back, but decided to stay close. Luke had been acting off all morning.

"Now, if you will turn to page apple in your packets we can get started," Luke said and saw everyone look at each other with confused looks. Luke noticed this right off and tried to remember what he said. "I meant to say page four. Did I not say that?"

"Luke, are you all right?" Mr. Johnson asked for the end of the table. "Should we reschedule?"

"No sir. I'm fine," Luke answered. Alex was next to Luke again. He was facing his boss with his back to room.

"Luke?" Alex asked, not trying to disguise his worry now.

"Where was I?" Luke asked. "Oh, nevermind, I member," he slurred. He looked up at the room and began speaking again. "Page four. You can see a chicken that illustrates a ball,"

The room began to swirl and pitch. Luke stumbled into the table knocking the pitcher of water across the wooden surface. Alex rushed to his side and grabbed onto Luke's arm. Luke's eyes rolled back in his head and he collapsed into Alex.

"CALL AN AMBULANCE!" Alex screamed. He pulled Luke's tie apart and opened his collar. He could see Luke was still breathing, but for how long?

Luke could hear voices, but they were far away like he was in a tunnel or underwater. Those voices slowly drained away leaving him alone and then he was out.

* * *

Noah was in a production meeting at WOAK. He had been promoted to director of "Oakdale Now" and he was loving it. Sure he wasn't directing big budget blockbusters, but he and Luke were working on a script that they may try funding on their own some day. But until then, he was happy where he was. Katie, Vienna, and Kim were there along with Jeff, his assistant director and the production designer, Sofie. They were going over the next week's shows when Kim's line rang through. Kim's assistant stepped into her office.

"Noah, it's for you,"

"Who is it?" Noah asked slightly embarrassed. He hated even the perception of special treatment, even though no one else saw it as such, he didn't want to be interrupted during a meeting.

"Someone from Luke's office,"

"He's canceling our lunch again," Noah said and the assembled women laughed. "Kim, do you mind?"

"Of course not," she answered with a smile. She had come to care about Noah and Luke over the years and was glad that they were able to come back to each other after all their struggles. Noah stood up and reached over Kim's desk for her phone. He had tucked his notes under his right arm and adjusted his grip on his coffee in his left before grabbing the receiver.

"Noah Mayer,"

"Noah. It's Alex," his voice was ragged and quiet.

"Is he canceling on me again?" He asked lightly as he made eye contact with the others in the room.

"Uh, no. Luke's at the hospital. He collapsed during a meeting," Alex said when he was finally able to find his voice. Noah's grip on everything, but the phone, released. His papers fluttered to the floor and his coffee splashed across Kim's desk; raining hot liquid over everyone. Kim screamed and shoved back from the desk. Noah felt his heart racing.

"Where is he now?" Noah pleaded.

"We're at Memorial now,"

"I'll be right there!" He slammed the phone down and stepped back. He was frozen for a moment.

"Noah?" Katie asked when saw the color drain from his face.

"Luke's at the hospital, I have to go," he said quickly and was out the door. Everyone was shocked into silence. The stalwart Noah Mayer looked like someone had danced across his grave.

* * *

Noah ran straight through the open emergency room doors and right up to the admitting desk. He didn't even remember driving here. He knew he was lucky he didn't get in an accident on the way. He barreled into the desk and stunned the nurses behind it. He was gasping for breath and sweat was beading on his forehead, but his entire body was freezing. He was panicking and his body didn't know what to do.

"My husband was just brought in, Luke Mayer,"

"Noah!" Called a voice behind him. Noah looked up and saw Alex coming out of the elevator. "He's upstairs," Noah ran the short distance and both of them begun the ride up. As soon as the doors shut Alex got the third degree.

"What happened?"

"He was just starting his presentation to Diversified when he collapsed,"

"What else?" Noah asked, trying to stay calm, but he needed to know. He needed to know what was wrong with his husband. Noah's arms were crossed tightly across his chest and he was rocking from side to side. He was a tightly bound spring, waiting for release.

"He was acting strange,"

"How?" Noah asked and looked at the controls next to him. _Why was this elevator so slow?_

"He looked distracted. He stopped twice during his opener. It almost looked like he was totally confused; lost even. Was he acting differently this morning?"

"No," Noah quickly answered and then began replaying the morning in his head. Trying to remember if he noticed anything different. _God, please let him be ok._

* * *

The elevator doors opened and the two men saw Luke being wheeled down the hall to a set of double doors. Noah bolted toward the gurney and Alex was fast behind him.

"Wait! I'm his husband!" Noah called out as he came to the gurney and the doctor standing on the other side. Luke was unconscious with a breathing tube down his throat.

"Mr. Mayer?" The young doctor asked Noah.

"Yes," Noah answered as he took Luke's hand; his fingers were so cold.

"We have to operate on your husband. He's had a stroke,"

"A what? He's only 26!" Noah exclaimed as tears started to well up and bile rose into his throat. He ran his hand through Luke's blonde hair. Comforting himself more than his unconscious spouse.

"We have to go! Now!" The doctor began to pull the gurney down the hall. Noah kissed Luke's forehead as they moved away. Noah and Alex watched as the gurney went through the double doors and into the operating room. Noah's body slumped, as if a weight had been draped across his back.

"Here. They gave me these," Alex reached out his hand. Noah mirrored him and Alex placed Luke's watch and wedding ring into his hand. Noah ran his thumb over the cold silver band. The tears began to fall. He had tried to hold it together. He wanted to be strong for Luke, but he wasn't sure how to be strong without Luke. This was the first time since they got engaged that Noah thought that he may have to live without him. He felt like he was in a fog at the edge of a cliff. At any second he may fall.

"I ah, I have to call his parents,"

"I can do that," Alex assured Noah. He wanted to help Luke and being there for Noah was the next best thing.

"Thanks. I have their numbers, ah…," Noah said as he dug into his pockets for his phone.

"I can call the office. The waiting room is down this hall and to the right. I'll be right back," Alex lightly rubbed Noah's back and then went off to make some calls. He left Noah on his own, but he eventually found the waiting room. His legs gave out as soon as he reached the sofa. He kept staring at Luke's watch, as it sat in his left hand, while rubbing Luke's ring in his right. The face on his watch was smashed and it wasn't running; he must have hit it when he fell. 10:38. That was the time Noah's life stopped. Noah slipped Luke's ring into his left ring finger. He looked down at his left hand and saw their wedding bands together. He turned them on his finger and fought the anguish that wanted to come out. He hated hospitals. He hated how hopeless he felt whenever he was in one. Right now he not only felt hopeless, but helpless. They had been everything to each other for years.

Best Friends

Confidantes

Allies

Lovers

Wing Men

Everything

They fought all of their battles together and now Noah had to wait. Wait and pray for good news.

Alex returned about 20 minutes later with coffee. He came around the corner and saw Noah staring at the carpet. He was fingering his wedding ring as if it was for luck.

"Here," Alex said as he handed a cup to Noah.

"Thanks, for everything," Noah said after Alex sat down next to him. The cup was warm in his freezing hands. The two men sat in silence for a few minutes before Noah spoke in a voice so quiet Alex could barely hear him. "I don't know what I'll do without him,"

"Hey. Don't talk like that. Luke is gonna pull out of this just fine. You know him, he plans everything! This would so piss him off!" Both men laughed at Alex's joke. "Remember when he twisted his knee?" Noah nodded. "Remember how he was stuck in that restraint cast two weeks longer than he was supposed to because he wouldn't sit still. He'll beat this. He's too stubborn not to," Noah took a deep breath and tried to smile, it was a relief that he wasn't alone in this. Alex just wished he truly believed what he just said.

"Did you get a hold of Luke's parents?" Noah asked.

"Lily was in Chicago for the foundation and was going to rush back. Holden was in Louisville and would be back tomorrow. I was able to call Mrs. Walsh and Emma. They'll pick up Ethan and the girls and bring them down here," Noah nodded as Alex relayed all the info to him. He tried to listen and take it in, but he just couldn't. All he could think about was Luke was hurting and couldn't do a thing about it.

* * *

Lily came running into waiting room about two hours later. Noah stood to meet her and she was talking a mile a minute; asking a million questions. If she didn't calm down, she was going to end up staying herself.

"Where is he? What happened? Noah, where's my son?"

"Lily, I haven't heard anything yet. The doctor did say that he had a," Noah paused, he just couldn't say it.

"What?"

"A stroke. Luke had a stroke," Noah was finally able to vocalize it.

"Oh my God. He's so young, how," Lily voice trailed off as the shock of what was happening set upon her. Noah reached out and caught her before she fell. He helped her to one of the loveseats and sat next to her. She was wringing her hands and rocking slightly.

"Like I said, I haven't heard anything yet. Apparently he collapsed during a meeting. He was brought here and they discovered he had a stroke. He was being rushed into surgery when I got here. That was about two hours ago and I have been waiting here since," Noah was surprised how calm his voice was, considering how terrified he was inside. It must be from the military training he had growing up. The colonel had drilled into him that sometimes he would have to perform his duties even if he was scared.

"I can't lose him Noah. I can't lose my baby," Lily managed to get out before she broke down into heavy sobs. Noah wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled to his side. She buried her face in his neck and let her anguish out. He had always seen her as this strong and all-mighty woman, but to see her like…he had an all new respect for his mother-in-law.

The doctor came out of the double doors and walked into the waiting room. Lily tried to stand, but after the adrenaline rush earlier in the day, her body wouldn't let her.

"Mr. Mayer?" Noah stood and faced the man who had just spent the last three hours with Luke. "I'm Dr. Reid Oliver. I operated on your husband," Noah extended his hand and the doctor took it.

"How is he?" Lily quickly asked.

"He's still critical, but I was able to get inside his head and find the clot that was causing all this. He is still unconscious and I want to keep him that way. The next few days will be the most important. As long as he doesn't die," Reid said in a matter of fact tone. Noah was a bit taken back by the doctor's blunt bedside manner, but he recovered quickly. He just wanted to see his husband.

"When can I see him?" Noah demanded to know. He was not going to be polite about this. He wanted to see his husband and right now.

"Well, we've got him doped to the gills, so he shouldn't wake up. You can see him now,"

Noah stepped into Luke's room and the silence was deafening. It was so strange to walk into a room where Luke was and have it so quiet. Wherever Luke was, you knew it. He was always the center of a group or conversation. Noah audibly gasped when he actually saw Luke. All the color was gone from his face. He looked so pale. He looked, Noah bit his tongue as the word popped into his head, but he looked dead. There was a tube down his throat to help him breathe. He also had tubes and IV's running everywhere. He wanted so desperately to hold him or better yet, take him from the hospital and take him home where its safe.

Noah sat down next to Luke's bed. He wasn't even sure where he could touch him. He was afraid that any bit of contact could hurt him. Noah settled on his hand. He carefully slid his hand into Luke's; his fingers felt cold against Noah's. He brought Luke's hand to his lips and placed soft kisses on the inside of his palm.

"Luke? Can you hear me?" Noah asked and waited for a sign. Any bit of acknowledgement. It wasn't like the movies; his monitor didn't beat faster; his eyelids didn't flutter; he just stayed asleep. "If you can hear me, please, please don't leave me," Noah begged through constant tears.

Lily came in for a little while. She told Luke that she loved him and would come back tomorrow with Holden. Now she had to go home and try to explain to the other kids what was wrong with their brother. A conversation she was not relishing. She gave Noah a hug and told him to keep the faith. Luke was much stronger than anyone could possibly realize.

Noah sat alone in Luke's room for about another hour before Dr. Oliver came in. He checked Luke's vitals and made a few notes on Luke's chart. He motioned for Noah to follow him. He had x-ray tucked under his arm. He slid it into the light box and waited for Noah.

"This is his CT scan," Oliver said and Noah looked at the x-ray. This was Luke's head. It's one thing to see it on TV or the news, but it was something completely different when it was someone you knew or cared about. This was Luke. It was a snapshot of everything that made Luke Luke. He almost wanted to reach out and touch, but he thought better of it and kept his hands in his pockets. "Here is where the clot lodged itself," Oliver pointed to a small spot at the side of Luke's brain. It sounded so harsh, a little salt in the wound. "I was able to remove it and regular blood flow was restored. He is on blood thinners now to be sure that there aren't others, but no he runs the risk of bleeding out,"

It was as if Luke being here had knocked Noah to the ground and now Dr. Oliver was kicking him while he laid in the fetal postition.

"We have to keep a very close eye on him for the next few days," Noah nodded and the doctor turned to walk away. Noah was finally able to speak.

"Doctor? When will he wake up?"

"As I said before, we are keeping him sedated for now, but…,"

"What?"

"There is a possibility he may not wake up. With a condition like this," the doctor's tone was very matter of fact, clinical, but he paused when he saw the look on Noah's face. He never was good with the family part of his job. "But I won't worry yet, it's still early and ah," he glanced down as the chart in his hand; he forgot his name.

"Luke," Noah helped him.

"Luke, is strong and otherwise healthy," his words trailed off as he saw the ashen look to Noah's face. "Get some rest. We can't take care of both of you,"

Dr. Oliver's footsteps trailed down the hallway as the door closed. Noah couldn't move or speak. In his head he was screaming but on the outside, he couldn't function. He turned towards Luke and sat down next to him. Noah lightly picked up Luke's hand and brushed his fingertips across the back of his hand. He fell asleep praying that he would just be all right.

* * *

The next two weeks were the same; Luke didn't move or open his eyes. His vitals remained strong and steady. He was slowly clearing the woods to the other side. Now if he would wake up so Noah could see those beautiful brown eyes. Noah rarely left Luke's side. The only times he left Luke's room was to shower and change clothes and that only happened when Luke was having tests done. Every few days Luke would be wheeled away and then was wheeled back a couple hours later, but they still couldn't give Noah any answers.

They were waiting for Luke to wake up. Then they would know what they were dealing with.

On day 17 of "Luke Watch"; Dr. Oliver's clever name, Luke's condition changed.

Noah was going through another one of Dr. Oliver's "brilliant" run downs on the latest rounds of tests, Noah was positive the guy just licked to hear himself talk. He looked at his husband over the doctor's should and saw his eyes were open.

"He's awake," Noah said plainly; shock taking over his whole body. Dr. Oliver looked over his shoulder and saw Luke looking at them. He spun around quickly and went to Luke's side. Noah watched as Dr. Oliver leaned down and started to talk to Luke. He stood back behind the doctor and waited to hear Luke's voice.

"Good morning. How are you feeling?"

"Where am I?" Luke managed to scratch out. His throat left like it was on fire and his tongue was two sizes too small for his mouth.

"You're in Oakdale Memorial. Can you tell me your name?"

"Why? Don't you know it?" Luke answered with his own question and Dr. Oliver couldn't help but laugh.

"Checking to see if you do,"

"Luke,"

"Good. I'm going to bring in some people to see you," the doctor said and slipped into the hallway to get Lily and Holden. Noah came around the edge of the bed, pulled his chair closer, and took Luke's hand.

"Oh, baby, I am so glad you're awake. I was going crazy. I was so afraid I was going to lose you,"

Luke recoiled and forcibly pulled his hands away. Noah looked confused as Lily and Holden came into the room. Luke was visibly upset and was moving to the far side of the bed.

"Don't touch me," Lily heard come out of Luke. She stepped next to the bed, across from Noah, and brushed Luke's hair away from his face.

"Baby what's the matter?" Lily asked as she looked from Luke to Noah.

"Mom, who is this?" Luke asked his mother as Noah looked at his family with complete and utter horror on his face.

* * *

**Well, whatta think? I have completed this and I will try to post the chapters as soon as I can. **

**There will be angst in the rest of the story.**

**Next time on _A Life Adrift_ - Luke is diagnosed and Noah tries to come to terms with Luke's condition.**

**Stay Tuned!**


	2. Chapter Two

**Well, I hope you are enjoying the story so far!**

**Thanks for coming by!**

**Enjoy!**

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Chapter Two

Noah paced the hall outside Luke's room. What else could he do? His partner of nearly seven years just woke up and said that he didn't know who he was. Noah was having a full-blown freak out and he had to leave the room. After Dr. Oliver realized what was happening to Luke, he forced Noah out into the hall to protect Luke. Protect him from what? There was no way he would ever hurt Luke. He just couldn't.

He was in the hall, retracing the same ten steps, when the door to Luke's room opened. Lily and Dr. Oliver came out into the hall; Lily's face looked stark white. Noah walked to the threshold, but was forced back by his father-in-law. Holden grabbed Noah by the shoulders and forced him back into the hall. Noah could just make out Luke asleep in the room before the door closed.

"What are you doing? I want to see my husband!" Noah was never one to create a scene or raise his voice in public, but right now all he wanted was to see Luke. Holden had to grab him around the waist to keep him place.

"It took a strong sedative to finally Luke asleep. Just let him sleep," Dr. Oliver informed Noah.

"Noah, wait! The doctor has to talk to you about Luke's condition," Holden said in a calm voice. No matter how old his boys got he was always able to calm them down with a word. Noah stopped struggling against Holden and stepped back.

"Ok. What can you tell me? Why doesn't he remember me?"

"The stroke took place in his temporal lobe. This is the part of the brain that processes sights and sounds and is key in the development of long term memory. When the stroke hit, this is the part of the brain that took the most damage. We will need to run more tests to see what the exact damages are, but,"

"Wait. You said that this part of the brain that develops long term memory. How much does he not remember?" Noah asked while he tried to keep himself as calm as he could. His arms were folded across his chest and he was rubbing their wedding rings with thumb. He hadn't taken them off since the day Luke was admitted. He was rocking from side to side slightly, barely noticeable. Holden seemed to be the only one who noticed. He put his hands on Noah's shoulders to help calm him so more. He needed Noah to stay calm and collected for Luke.

"After talking to him, he believes himself to be 18 years old," Dr. Oliver explained. Noah felt his heart stop for a split second.

"He doesn't remember me at all. Nothing from when we met to now. Nothing?" Noah asked in complete disbelief; his voice a faint whisper. He ran his hands over his face and took in a few deep breaths. "What do we do now?"

"Well, there are still some tests that we need to do to see just how much damage there is," Dr. Oliver said in a plain voice. He could see that Noah was about to have a meltdown. If there was one thing he hated was emotion being thrown about the room. "Look, you need to remember that the brain is a complex organ, he may wake up tomorrow and remember everything. There is still hope. He's alive and breathing. That is one thing to hang on to,"

Noah nodded at the doctor's attempt as calming him. There was one thing he knew for sure he was not going to be, calm or relaxed until Luke was well. No matter how long it took.

"Can I see him?" Noah squeaked out.

"He's asleep and he needs his rest. Why don't you go home and get some rest. You can see him in the morning,"

"Come on Noah. We'll take you home," Lily offered as she put her arm around her son-in-law's waist. Noah looked down at Lily and tried to protest, but he was dead on his feet and he just wanted to sleep all of a sudden. He agreed and the three of them left.

After telling his in-laws over and over that he was fine, Noah closed the front door and looked around the room. The entire house was how they left it that morning. He walked into the kitchen looked around. Everything was in its place. The cup Luke was drinking out of; the toast he didn't finish; the recipe he was going to try that night; everything was where it was that morning when they left the house. It had been over two weeks since he had been home and it was as if their life was paused. He was half-expecting Luke to come barreling through the side door and immediately start in on his day. Noah sat down at the kitchen island and sat in silence. He listened to the house. How quiet it was without his husband in it. The house, which was always warm and inviting to all you came inside, was dark and lifeless. He put his hands on the counter, closed his eyes, and listened.

Nothing.

The house was not the same without Luke. **_Noah_** was not the same without Luke.

Noah was always the optimistic one in their relationship. He always saw the bright side of everything and after growing up with the Colonel that was impressive. But Noah just could not see the bright side. He could not keep his spirits up. He could feel the tears come up to edges of his eyes and he let them fall. Noah didn't hold back. He wept for his hurting husband; for his himself; and their marriage. He looked around his cold, dark house, and listened to the silence. This was what his life would be until Luke was well.

Cold, dark, and lifeless.

* * *

The next morning Noah woke up in the living room. He couldn't bring himself to sleep in their bed. Just smelling Luke on the sheets would have made for a long night. He pulled a blanket and pillow out of the hall closet and made do on the sofa. Considering how tired he was, he wasn't even sure he could have made it to the bedroom. Noah stretched the kinks out of his back as he stood. After a dozen or so pops and clicks, his body seemed awake enough to get cleaned up to go the hospital.

He took a quick shower and dressed in comfortable jeans and a t-shirt. He was ready for whatever he and Luke had to deal with. Therapies, medications, whatever it took for Luke to get his memory back.

The drive to the hospital seemed to take forever. He was excited and nervous to see Luke. It was the same feeling he would get when Luke would go out town for business and Noah would go to the airport to pick him up. The anticipation would make his stomach erupt in butterflies and his heart would beat faster. Luke was supposed to have another exam by Dr. Oliver to see how far back his memory loss went and how complete or should he saw incomplete it was.

When he stepped out into the hall from the elevator, he could see Lily and Holden sitting in the hall, across from Luke's room. They looked almost as tired as he felt. He rubbed his shaking hands together and joined the couple.

"Is he awake? How is he? Has the doctor said anything?" Noah quickly rattled off. Holden had to put his hands up to stop him.

"We just got here. The doctor is in with him right now," Holden said in a calm voice. Noah nodded as he slipped his hands into pockets. Lily lightly put her hand on his shoulder and he looked down at her.

"How are you?" Her motherly concern was very evident in her soft voice.

"I'm fine," he answered and she looked at him not very convinced. "Well, I will be fine when I find out how Luke is," he confessed.

They shared another twenty minutes; twenty tense minutes. Holden and Noah took turns pacing the small expanse of hall. Lily finally had to order them both to sit; they were driving her crazy. The three of them sat in relative silence until Dr. Oliver entered the hall from Luke's room. Noah jumped to his feet and met the doctor halfway.

"How is he?"

"Well, his condition is the same. He still thinks he's 18 years old,"

"I don't believe this," Noah said as he ran his hand through his hair.

"Well, believe it because it's happening. To think, there are thousands of old men who try to play eighteen and Mr. Snyder can really pull it off," Lily bristled at Dr. Oliver's tone, but Noah totally ignored it.

"What do we do now?" He asked as he played with their wedding rings again.

"Well, you don't do anything. You can't be anywhere near Luke. Not like this,"

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?"

"He thinks he's eighteen. He has no memory of you at all. You go in and tell him that you're his husband and tell him stories, he is liable to have a break. We have to keep him as calm and relaxed as possible. The memories need to come back on their own. You can't tell him your whole life story together and expect him to just take it,"

"We told him yesterday that he was married to Noah," Holden interjected. All Reid could do was roll his eyes and he did not hide it.

"Did any of you people listen to me the other day? He needs to take things slowly," Reid responded.

"Should he stay with us then?" Lily asked.

"No!" Noah said in a voice louder than he meant. "He is my husband and he is coming home with me," Noah was adamant about this one.

"Noah, you just heard what the doctor said. He needs to remember things on his own," Holden countered.

"He remembers living with you guys. I'm the one he doesn't remember. Wouldn't it be better for him to live with me and be surrounded by his own things and maybe that will jog his memory?" Noah asked Dr. Oliver.

"The best way to treatment retrograde amnesia is time. Luke has to be given time to discover and remember things at his own pace. Can you give Luke a calm and quiet environment for him to do this therapy and remember things slowly?" Dr. Oliver asked Lily and Holden.

"Well, we have three young children. How about the farm?" Lily suggested.

"That place is anything but calm and quiet. It is like Grand Central Station," Noah insisted. As much as they wanted to take their son home to help him get better, they knew that they could not promise that Luke wasn't going to be bombarded by people, meaning well, telling stories that he needed to remember on his own.

"I think we should let Luke decide," Holden interjected. He understood his wife's need to protect Luke, hell he wanted to take him home too. But Noah was his husband, plus he had a point. Noah and Luke's house was quiet and the memories that were made there are the ones that Luke can't remember. Dr. Oliver knocked on the door and waited for Luke to allow them to enter. The four of them entered the room and saw Luke sitting up in his bed, flipping through a magazine. He smiled when he saw his parents and his doctor, but he seemed to tense up slightly when he saw the dark haired guy from yesterday.

He wasn't afraid of him, just uneasy. It had been broken to him yesterday what was going on. To say he freaked out would be an understatement. The doctor assured him that there was nothing wrong with his brain now and in time he would get better. It was just so weird. He thought amnesia only happened on those soaps that his grandma Emma watched. But to actually sitting here and knowing, now, that he had lost nearly a decade. Well, it was enough for anyone to freak out. All they said was that Noah, at least he thought that was his name, had been living together for quite a while and that they got married a couple years ago. Married. That was a heavy notion to grab on to.

"How are you honey?" Lily asked as he sat down next to Luke and brushed his bangs away from his forehead.

"Ok I guess. Still don't remember anything. The doctor gave me a bunch of exercises that I'm supposed to do every day. Exercise my brain," Luke felt awkward, everyone was staring at him. Luke never was one to be the center of attention. The last time he was the center of attention was right after he came out. He never wanted to be invisible so badly in his life. He was having that feeling again. "So, what's going on?"

"Well, we were discussing where you would go after they release you," Holden said, "But of course, it is your decision,"

"You now that you are completely welcome at the house with your dad and I," Lily tried to reassure her oldest. After all of this, she just wanted him under her roof.

"Well, what do you think?" Luke asked a quiet Noah. He was standing at the back of the room away from everything. He hadn't said anything since he entered the room.

"Well, I want you to come home with me. To where we leave, together," his voice was quiet and soft. As if he was breaking bad news or something.

"What do you think doc?" Luke asked Dr. Oliver.

"It's up to you, but you need to be a calm environment where you can concentrate on your recovery and nothing else," Luke listened to his doctor and let those words roll around his head. His parent's house was nothing, but chaos 24/7 and the farm wasn't much better. All of his other relatives had lives of their own to worry about and he would just be another thing to worry about. He wanted to remember everything that was gone and he knew that the best way to do that was go to the place where all those memories lived.

"It looks like I'm going home…with you," Luke said as he nodded towards Noah. He saw Noah drop his head and let out a long shaky breath. When he looked up, Luke could see fresh tears in his eyes.

The most beautiful blue eyes he had ever seen.

* * *

The next week Luke was put through every test there was. CAT Scans, PET Scans, MRI's, ultrasounds, radiated dye tests to check blood flow (by far Luke "favorite"), and blood tests to be sure his blood thinners were not affecting his kidney. Luke has hated hospitals since he got sick the last time and his needed a new kidney. Well, he thought it was last time. He suddenly wondered what other trips to the hospital he's blanked out. Luke was getting so tired of being poked and prodded. He joked that he was about a quart low after the last round of blood tests. Dr. Oliver came in right after the nurse left with his latest bloodletting. He swaggered in reading Luke's chart.

"So, doc, I am a hopeless case?" Luke joked. He had been trying to get the oh-so serious doctor to laugh or at least smile for the last week.

"Nothing seems to surprise me. People with money have amazing insurance. I'm sure you've blown through yours," Luke was puzzled by his remark and Oliver read that on his face. "All of the tests that you husband and your mother insisted on. I swear they walked around the hospital and made a list of each lab they could find," Oliver said sardonically as he put Luke's chart down.

"Well, I'm sure they're just worried about me,"

"Clearly,"

"You know, you have the worst bedside manner of any doctor I have ever met,"

"Why thank you,"

"I like it. No sugarcoating. I know you're not just talking to hear yourself talk,"

Oliver was a bit thrown by that. He had been a while since he had gotten a compliment quite like that. He was use to people wincing when he entered a room, but this young kid was actually seemed to, dare he say, like his company. He smiled slightly as he took in what Luke said.

_Got him!_

"Ok, why don't stand for me?" Oliver asked as he stepped around the bed. "I'm going to check you equilibrium," Luke pushed off the bed and stood in front of the doctor. He was a bit shaky on his feet. "Ok, I need you to raise your right foot off the floor. And if you think you're about to fall you can put it back,"

Luke rose his right foot and seemed to be all right.

"Ok, now your left," Oliver said as he looked down at the blonde's feet. Luke raised his left and staggered slightly; he grabbed onto Dr. Oliver's arm to steady himself. "It's ok, Mr. Snyder," he said in a soft voice, reassuring his young patient. "Now, raise you right hand out in front of you," Luke did as he as was asked. They went through each limb. They measured his strength and his dexterity. When they were finally done, Luke was sweaty and exhausted. Dr. Oliver helped him off his feet and picked his chart back up.

"Well, Doc, am I gonna live?" He asked in a haggard old man voice. Oliver actually laughed at that one.

_Got him again!_

"You are in surprising good health, but if you had any other doctor you would be in **much** worse shape. You have some weakness on your leftt side. Just keep up with your physical therapy that you started here. As effective as any therapy here can be,"

"When can I get out of here?"

"How does tomorrow sound?"

"Great!"

"Want to be rid of me so quickly?" Reid said, teasing him slightly.

"It's not that. I just hate hospitals,"

"You know what? I do too," Dr. Oliver said as he exited the room. Luke laid back and was quickly asleep. Oliver looked through the small window and watched his patient for a moment.

_Was he just flirting with him?_

* * *

The next day after Luke had eaten breakfast, Noah came in with a small bag with some clothes for him to change into. He was given a pair of dark distressed jeans and black button down shirt. He felt a little odd without a polo shirt, but everything fit him and he was so glad to be out of the pajamas he'd been wearing for the last few weeks. He was shoving his sleep clothes into the duffle bag when there was a knock on his door and called for them to come in.

Noah stepped inside and stood back. As much as he wanted to hold Luke and feel his body against him, he knew that he needed to wait until Luke gave the ok. He needed to hold onto that, that eventually he and Luke would be where they used to be.

"Are you ready?" Noah asked as he pushed his nervous hands into his pockets.

"Yeah. As ready as I'll ever be,"

Noah grabbed Luke's bag and the two of them walked out into the mid spring morning. Feeling the sun on his face, Luke felt a little better already as he slipped into his seat next to the brunette. Noah gave him a small smile and pulled out of their parking place and drove towards home.

* * *

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**Next time on _A Life Adrift_ - Luke tries to settle into his own home.**


	3. Chapter Three

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* * *

**Chapter Three**

Noah parked the car and they sat in silence for a few minutes. He could see Luke's profile while he stared at their house. Knowing Luke as well as he did; he knew he was nervous. He was chewing on the inside of his lower lip. He was picking at his already chewed down nails.

"Luke?" Noah asked in a soft voice as he put his hand over Luke's fidgeting hands. Luke's hands stilled and Noah could feel him tense up. Noah pulled his hand back quickly as if he was burned; hoping that he didn't scare Luke.

"I'm fine. Now or never right?" Luke said quietly and opened the door. He stepped out into the pebble driveway and took in his surroundings. The house reminded him the farm without the "farm" part. The house was set back from the main road. The small house was light gray with white trim. It was surrounded by huge Oak trees and there were flowers around the foundation. He could see Grandma Emma's signature Blue Girl Tea Roses and her Oriental Lilies planted by the front door. Luke smiled lightly at this. _Grandma Emma must approve._

Noah watched Luke over the top of the car. Noah had to admit that he was nervous as Luke was. It had taken a lot of convincing to get Lily and Holden to agree to let Noah take him home. Noah had hoped that if Luke was home and around his own things, his memories would come back. He closed his car door and went to get Luke's bag out of the back. He watched as Luke wandered around the yard for a little while. He saw a slight smile on Luke's face as he knelt by the flowers near the front door. Emma insisted and the boys were happy to oblige her every spring. Noah walked up behind Luke and watched him pull a couple weeds from the flower bed.

"Are you ready to go inside?" Noah asked and Luke jumped at the sound of his voice. "Sorry," Noah apologized when he realized he'd frightened Luke.

"It's ok. What did you say?"

"Did you want to go inside?"

"Sure," Luke said as he brushed his hands on his jeans. Noah handed Luke the keys and they went inside.

* * *

"I'm going to bring these upstairs. Look around, maybe something will bring on a memory or something might look familiar," Noah said and Luke just nodded. Noah took Luke's bag and put it in the guest room across the hall from their bedroom. The room was about the same size of their bedroom. Same size bed and layout. There was a desk in front of the south facing windows along with a small TV next to the closet and a night table with a Tiffany style lamp.

Luke wandered around the living room feeling very out of sorts; like the first time you are invited to someone's place. You don't touch or move things. You're afraid to sit anywhere or look at anything. He felt like a peeping tom; peering on someone else's life. But this was his life. This was his house and his husband was upstairs right now. Luke wasn't sure if he would ever be able to get over that word; husband.

Noah had moved most of Luke's clothes into this room. The only difference between this room and their bedroom was no mementos. There were no reminders of their life together. Dr. Oliver told Noah that Luke should try to remember things on his own. He shouldn't try to force memories on him, as much as Noah may want to.

Noah set the bag down on the bed and went to join Luke downstairs. He stood at the top of the stairs and let out a long breath. He was trying to calm himself before he joined Luke. Noah could see him as he cleared half of the stairs. He looked like he always did. His hair was brushed back, save his silky bangs. He was wearing the clothes Noah brought him and he looked so good. The last time they had touched was that morning in the kitchen before his husband left for work. Now he was looking at, theoretically, the teenage boy he met nearly seven years before.

Luke was standing in the living room in front of the fireplace. He was looking at photos on the mantle. Noah had made a point of removing photos of them kissing or hugging out of sight. They may have helped him remember, but he didn't want Luke to feel uncomfortable. Maybe later he would bring them out to help when Luke was more relaxed around Noah. That also meant that Noah had to take a lot of photos out of the house, but they were safely stored for the time being. Luke picked up a framed photo of the two of them. Noah came to the bottom of the stairs and stayed back slightly. He didn't want to hover.

"When was this?" Luke asked over his shoulder.

"Ah, let me see?" Noah reached out and took the frame from him. His hand brushed against Luke's fingers and Goosebumps ran up the brunette's back. He pushed the electric feeling away and looked at the photo. They were standing in front of their hotel, The Drake, on Michigan Avenue in downtown Chicago and they were dressed in parkas. Noah let out a laugh and Luke was intrigued.

"What?" He asked as a smile stretched across his mouth.

"This was Valentine's Day this year. We go to Chicago ever year to celebrate Valentine's Day. You can't see it in the picture, but we are actually knee deep in snow. Chicago got 25 inches of snow in one day. But we were going to go, you insisted. So you…," Noah stopped himself when he realized he was doing the one thing he wasn't suppose to do. He didn't want to overwhelm or stress Luke out in any way. That may make his condition persist, according to Dr. Oliver.

"What?"

"I'm ah, I'm not supposed to overwhelm you with stories," he answered guiltily.

"It's just one story. Noah, please, I want, I need to remember," Luke was trying not to beg but he would if he had to.

"Ah, ok. You managed to find a snow plow driver who was a friend of you your dad's. He loaded our bags up and drove us to Chicago. I was so proud of you. You were so determined that nothing was going to spoil our trip. The hotel staff was shocked to see us walk in, blow in would be more accurate," Noah laughed and Luke followed suit. "But it was one of the best weekends of my life. This photo was the only time we left the room,"

Now Noah felt uncomfortable. It was like telling a stranger something personal, but he wasn't a stranger. It was Luke. His best friend; his husband. His heart ached that he was only one that remembered that weekend.

"Sounds nice," Luke said softly as he took the frame back. He looked at the photo again and smiled. They looked happy. They were standing with their arms around each other. Their stocking caps were pulled tight on their heads and their coats were zipped all the way up. Of what you could see of their faces, their noses and cheeks were bright pink.

"It was. Are you hungry?"

"Yeah, sure," Luke replied as he carefully put the photo back on the mantle. Noah led the way and Luke followed from the living room into the adjoining kitchen. It was a bright room bathed in yellows and creams versus the dark and light shades of browns used in the living room; Luke assumed to better view movies on the large TV in the room. This room was warm and inviting; Luke could see himself cooking in here. Wait, did he cook? Damn it! This was going to be a torture. There was a center island that the stove was nestled in and the rest of the kitchen branched off from there. There was a set bar stools sitting opposite the stove and Luke took a seat there.

"Everyone has been bringing over food for the last few weeks. Your mom and Emma have been coming over and making sure that nothing spoils. How does some soup sound?"

"Fine, anything will work," Luke answered and Noah nodded in agreement. Noah went to work and Luke took the time to watch him. Noah was good-looking, there was no denying that. He had that CQ model look; like he stepped out of clothing ad. He was wearing a few days of beard stubble and he had a two-tone baseball shirt on over jeans. He had a quietness about him that Luke liked. It was calming.

"How did we meet?" Luke asked as they started to eat. Margo had brought clam chowder over earlier, but Noah had the distinct impression that Al's had been the actual creator of their dinner.

"Are you sure you want to hear this?"

"Why did you say it like that? You make it sound sordid," Luke joked and Noah choked slightly in his spoonful. He wiped his mouth and finished his bite.

"No it's not that. I just don't want to overwork you. I'd hate for you have a relapse,"

"Noah, come on. I'll be the first to tell you when I'm too tired," Luke responded and Noah gave him a "yeah right" sideways glance. Luke knew that look and gave Noah a swift hit on the arm.

"Hey! You know, abusing me won't make me talk any faster,"

"I'll behave if you do. I can't forget anymore than I already have. Please tell me,"

Noah wanted to resist. He wanted to wait until Luke was better or least more than one day out of the hospital. He was afraid of overwhelming Luke with _**his **_memories when Luke needed to working on them himself. But looking at the blonde sitting next to him with an expectant look on his face. Noah could never deny Luke anything.

"Ok," Noah wiped his lips with his napkin and turned towards Luke. Luke continued to eat his chowder while Noah started talking.

"You hated me at first," Luke looked up from his bowl with a furrowed brow. "No, I'm serious. You hated me. You, Maddie, and I were interns at WOAK the summer before we started at OU. You and Maddie were already working that first day and I was over half a day late. I met Maddie first and then you came into the office. You were carrying a pile of scripts and you were so angry that I hadn't shown up yet. You were bad-mouthing me as you walked in. It was really cute actually," Noah's sentence was punctuated with laughs. Luke smiled at Noah's recollection. "I tried to explain why I was late, but you didn't want to hear it. You were still mad. Maddie took me out of the office to make sure that you didn't make things worse. She was afraid that it would ruin our working relationship. You told me later that you were glad that Maddie had pulled me away before you put your foot into your mouth,"

"That sounds like me," Luke said as he pushed back from the counter. "I am pretty tired now actually," he slowly stood and Noah followed him.

"I'll show you to your room," as soon as the words left Noah mouth, he felt his heart tug under his chest. To actually have Luke sleeping in their house again, but not in their bed, it killed a little bit of Noah. He led Luke upstairs and down the hall to the set of doors, facing each other. Noah gestured to the door on his right. "Here it is,"

"Where are you sleeping?" Luke asked.

"Um, in here," he gestured behind himself to the closed door.

"Was that...I mean is that our…?"

"Yeah," Noah pushed his nervous hands into the pockets of his jeans as he stood a mere 12 inches from Luke.

"Can I see it?" Luke asked in a soft voice. Noah was a bit shocked by his question. He was not expecting that, but really he was not surprised. Curiosity was in Luke's nature. It was who he was through and through.

"Yeah, sure," Noah turned the knob and stepped inside, Luke followed slowly behind him. The room was simple and tasteful. The bed was huge and took up a good chunk of the room. There were a ton of pillows on top of the dark blue and brown striped comforter. There were matching dressers that sat mirroring each other on opposing walls. The floor was polished hard wood with a thick woven blue rug that stretched past the edges of the bed. It looked like the bed sat on a large pool of water. The walls were a warm shade of cream and the blinds were pulled closed. There was a night stand on each side of the bed. He assumed one for him and one for Noah. The left side held four different novels and a bright colored alarm clock. The right side had one book and a plain digital clock. The bed was made and looked extremely comfortable. Luke smiled as he looked around the room.

"What?" Noah wanted to know what made him smile.

"The bed is made and it's pretty clean in here. Are you sure that this is my room?" Noah laughed at Luke's joke.

"Yeah, well, I haven't slept in here since…," the words left Noah's lips before he thought about it. The two men shared a sad look and Luke looked away first. Noah could feel his heart constrict at the thought of his husband not sleeping in the same bed as him. They had been sleeping side by side nearly every night for the last four years.

"Goodnight," Luke said and slowly walked into the hallway.

"Goodnight Luke. If you need anything?"

"Yeah," Luke stepped into his room and closed the door. Noah let out the breath that he was holding and slowly collapsed on to the bed. He body slumped and he felt a hundred years old.

_How am I going to get through this?_ He thought to himself.

Later that night, after Noah tried unsuccessfully to fall asleep, he forced himself to get out of bed. He trudged his way down to kitchen and opened the fridge. He stared into the cold box for a few minutes; not knowing why he even opened it. He grabbed a glass of milk to settle his churning stomach; he was sure that would help. He also grabbed a couple of Emma's cookies while he was at it and went back upstairs. He was about to go into his room when he looked at Luke's closed bedroom door. He knew he shouldn't. He knew he should just go to bed, but he had to. He slowly turned the door knob and peeked inside. Luke was asleep; the comforter pulled up to his chin. He looked so calm and beautiful as the moonlight streamed through the curtains. Noah just wanted to look at him for a minute. To really see if he was actually here; under their roof. He softly walked around the edge of the bed and looked down at his sleeping husband. He was sleeping on the left side of bed and Noah smiled slightly at that realization.

"I love you Luke," Noah whispered just loud enough for his own ears to hear it and left the room as softly as he entered it. He lay down and was finally able to get some sleep.

* * *

The next morning Noah was up and out the door for a run before the sun even rose. He loved this alone time that he gave himself every morning. He would run along small path that he and Luke had carved out three years ago. The path ran the length of their property and connected to the backend of Emma's. It was good four miles around trip and he would get lost in the music that Luke put on his iPod. He remembered when Luke asked him what he was listening to all those mornings and Luke was appalled when he heard Noah rattle off a list. There was no way he was going to let his husband listen to boring music. Noah chuckled when he remembered how serious Luke took the task of updating Noah's playlists. Noah was not allowed to see his iPod for three whole days and when he got it back, the entire thing was different. He changed everything; from the playlists to the two dozen new apps he downloaded. It took Noah three weeks to figure out all of the changes that he made. He told Luke that he didn't need to go through all of the trouble, but Noah got the same response he always got. _You'll thank me later. _Now he was grateful. Every time he picked it up he had that flash of memory of Luke painstakingly going through all the work to make Noah happy. And Noah always did oblige Luke.

And now he was the only one who remembered it.

By the time he returned home, Luke was up and on his second cup of coffee. He was sitting at the island, reading the paper when Noah came in the side door. Luke looked up and smiled as he kicked his shoes off and pulled his iPod out of his pocket. Noah closed the door and walked around the back of Luke. He kissed Luke on the cheek as he went by and continued to walk to the counter to pour himself some coffee. When he turned around and saw the red flush to Luke's cheeks and his bowed head, Noah realized what he did.

"Oh my god, Luke. I'm sorry. I wasn't even thinking. Force of habit I guess. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," he profusely apologized from the other side of the island.

"I know you didn't. It just, ah, it just surprised me that's all," Luke stammered as he stood up. "I'm going to go take a shower," Luke quickly left the room and Noah heard him take the stairs two at a time. Noah closed his eyed, slumped heavily against the counter and was mentally kicking his own ass.

"_**WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?"**_ He screamed at himself.

Luke closed and locked his bathroom door. He turned the shower on and sat on the floor next to the tub. He pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs. As the steam from the shower filled the room, Luke slowly rocked himself back and forth.

"I want to go home," he softly whispered to himself.

* * *

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	4. Chapter Four

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* * *

**Chapter Four**

Noah decided to get on with the day; he showered and changed into clean clothes. It had been nearly an hour since he kissed Luke in the kitchen. He didn't mean to. When he came into the kitchen and saw Luke sitting there. He was wearing a pair of jeans and blue t-shirt. It was the same shirt he was wearing when they first kissed. Noah didn't even know where he found that shirt. His bare feet were tucked under the stool and he had the entire paper spread out in front of him. Noah could smell the coffee in the air and he got caught up. For those two minutes, he felt like everything was like it used to be. When Luke remembered him and they were happy. He didn't regret the kiss; he missed kissing Luke, he regretted how it made Luke feel.

The last thing he ever wanted to do was make him uncomfortable or uneasy.

He came out of his bedroom and stood outside Luke's door. He didn't hear the shower anymore and was hesitant to knock on the door. He raised his hand and debated whether to knock or not. He finally bit the bullet and rapped lightly in the door.

"Luke?" Noah called to him a calm voice. "Can you hear me?" Noah slowly opened the door and looked around the room. The bed was unmade, there were dirty clothes on the floor and wet towel over the back of the desk chair. The room looked like Luke had been here. Noah couldn't help but smile. At least not everything had changed; Luke was still Luke. But Luke was not in here. He checked the bathroom and it too was empty.

Noah went down stairs and checked the rest of the house. The living room and the office they shared just off the kitchen were also empty. As Noah left the kitchen he glanced towards the back door. He could see blonde head just peeking over the edge of the windows that looked out onto their back patio. Wearing a sad sort of smile, he slowly opened the door and looked down at Luke. He was sitting on the back porch in one of the white deck chairs that they bought on a trip last summer. He had his legs crossed with his feet tucked under him and he was holding a cup of coffee. Luke looked up when he heard the door open.

"Hey," Noah said softly.

"Hey,"

"How long have you been out here?" Noah asked as he stepped around Luke and sat down the chair next to him.

"Long enough for my coffee to get cold,"

"Luke, I'm so sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to…,"

"You don't have to apologize,"

"No? But I need to explain. When I came inside and I saw you at the counter, for a moment, for a split second, I was right back to where we were two weeks ago. When…,"

"When I could remember you," Luke finished Noah's sentence.

"Yeah and I acted on instinct. But I never meant for you to be uncomfortable. That's why I moved your things into the other bedroom. I want you to get better. I need you in my life. I never meant for what happened this morning. I am willing to wait as long as I need to. I love you Luke,"

Luke suddenly felt uncomfortable. Imagine having someone that you have only known for a week telling you that they would do anything for you, that they love only you. He couldn't help but feel uncomfortable. Of course he couldn't tell Noah that. The guy was already walking around on egg shells as it is. He was not going to make this even harder for him. Luke decided he was going to keep his mouth shut, at least for now.

"Thank you. I know that you aren't trying to push me. And I know that you didn't mean to make me uneasy. But I will tell you if anything bothers me," Luke almost said _'if anything __**else **__bothers me'_, but stopped himself. He was going to be living here and didn't want to make this anymore awkward than it already was. Noah and Luke shared a small smile while they looked at each other, a silence falling over them. The sound of a car coming up the driveway pulled their attention away from each other. Noah stood, walked to the end of the porch, and saw a dark green SUV pull to stop near his black car. Noah knew exactly who it was.

"Who is that?"

"Ok. If you want him to leave all you have to do is say so, ok?"

"Tell me who it is," this overprotective thing is getting a little tough to take.

"It's Casey,"

"Casey?" Luke jumped to his feet and took the four steps of the porch in one jump. Noah chased after him.

"Luke!" Noah voice carried across the yard as Luke ran towards the driveway. Luke hobbled more than ran. He was still having a bit of weakness on his left side and he wasn't able to run like he use to.

* * *

Casey stepped out of his car and wiped his sweaty hands on his thighs. He had no idea why he was so nervous. Luke was his best friend, why should he be so nervous to see him. Oh wait! He knew! Because the last time Luke saw him he was on the way to prison. He knew this was a bad idea. He was having second thoughts the whole way to the house and now he wanted to get right back in his car and drive home. But that changed when he saw the blonde come around the side of the back porch and into the driveway. Casey watched Luke run across the yard and slow to a walk; they met in the middle. Noah came around the corner of the porch and watched the two friends.

"Hey," Casey said.

"Hey," Luke answered back. Luke stepped forward and pulled the other man into a hug. Casey didn't hesitate but reciprocate. He wrapped his arms around his dear friend. Noah smiled at the scene. Luke was getting a bit of his past back and he hoped that this would help him relax and hopefully remember something.

The three men walked around the back of the house and into the kitchen. After a fresh pot of coffee was started, Noah's cell phone chimed and he rushed to answer it. It was Kim.

"Hi, Noah. How's Luke?"

"Hey Kim. He's good, well, as good as can be expected," he said as he walked into the living room for some privacy. He looked over his shoulder and saw the two friends sitting in the kitchen, next to each other at the island.

"Good. Look, I'm sorry to call you at home. I know I told you take as much time as you needed, but…,"

"What's wrong?"

"Well, that interview that you recorded for tomorrow's show,"

"The one with Adam Wilbur?"

"Yeah, the video is not coming right, the audio isn't synced, and we can't seem to find the masters,"

"That interview has to run tomorrow. It coincides with the fundraiser for Luke's foundation,"

"I know. I need to you to come in and redo the edit,"

"Kim, I don't think I can leave now," he said as he looked at his husband talking to his best friend.

"I know. And I hate to ask," he could hear her regret in her voice. He knew that she would not have called him unless it was important. He turned toward the kitchen and saw Luke with Casey. Noah let out a groan and closed his eyes in frustration.

"Ok. I'll be there in about fifteen minutes," he said and he could hear Kim let a sigh of relief. Noah snapped his phone shut and took a deep breath before he rejoined Luke and Casey in the kitchen. He met eyes with Casey and then Luke, Casey could tell something was up.

"What's wrong man?"

"I have to go into work. There's a problem with the interview I shot and it has to air tomorrow. I really hate leaving you alone like this,"

"What am I? Chopped liver?" Casey asked in a mocking hurt tone; the one that made Noah laugh everytime.

"No Casey, I just didn't want to leave Luke,"

"Go to work. It sounds important. Casey can baby-sit me," Noah knew that tone in Luke's voice. It was a mixture of hurt and annoyance. Noah's heart flipped a second, but if he wanted to get that interview to air he had to get going.

"I promise I won't be more than a couple hours," Noah said as he grabbed his jacket. He turned back to Luke and made sure that everything was ok. "Are you sure you're ok with this?"

"Sure,"

"Noah, it'll be ok. Luke and I can talk about old times," Casey said trying to reassure Noah. Luke almost scoffed at "old times"; Casey's old times were Luke's present times.

"I'll be back as soon as I can," Noah reiterated and gave Luke one more look before he went out the back door. Luke let out a sigh of relief when Noah was out of his eye line.

"What was that?" Casey asked.

"What?"

"That sigh; almost like you're relieved. What's going on?" Casey needed to know what his friend was really feeling.

"It just, I feel like I'm a visitor, in my own life. And Noah has been great about everything, but I feel like he is constantly tip-toeing around me. It's frustrating. I wish he would just tell me about my past. I can't stand this not knowing," Luke let out quickly. He didn't even know that he was feeling all of that. Casey sits and just stares. He knew that Luke and Noah had a twisty-turny past, but for Luke to feel this way without knowing any of it, that was a bit of a surprise to him. Luke could see the look on his face and was getting further annoyed. "What?"

"Nothing. I'm just surprised. Let me ask you something?"

"What?"

"What do you see or better yet feel when you look at Noah?"

"I don't know,"

"Yes, you do. Close your eyes," Casey said and Luke looked at him with a raised eyebrow. Casey could hear Luke's voice in his own head saying, 'Seriously?' "Humor me. Come on,"

Luke closed his eyes and Casey waited to be sure that he was actually going to pay attention. Casey got up and went into the office that Noah and Luke shared just off the kitchen. Luke could hear his footsteps recede and then come back. He wondered where he went.

"Ok, now. Tell me exactly what you are thinking or feeling when I show this. Ok?" Casey asked and Luke nodded in response. Casey leaned over the island slightly and held a frame in his hands. "Ok. Open your eyes,"

Luke opened his eyes and saw a photo in front of him. It was a photo of him and Noah sitting on a bench in what looked like Old Towne. He was cuddled into Noah side and Noah's arm was wrapped around Luke's shoulders. Both men had their eyes closed and they looked like they were completely lost to the world. Luke reached out and took the frame from Casey's hands. He looked at it even closer.

"Well?"

"I ah, feel sad because I don't remember this. I feel calm because I look so at ease with him. And, I'm, I'm,"

"What?"

"Jealous," Luke said in a soft voice and Casey had to admit that he was surprised by that one.

"Why?"

"Because I found the one thing that I have always wanted and now all that I have left is pictures!" Luke slammed the frame on the counter and got up from the island and walked into the living room. Casey was close behind him.

"Luke, you have to calm down. Ok. I didn't mean to make things worse. I'm just trying to help you,"

"I know. Let's get out of here," he said quickly.

"What?"

"I want to go,"

"Where?"

"Anywhere. I just need to get out of here for a little while,"

"I don't know if that is such a good idea,"

"Come on Casey. Think of it as a research trip. Maybe something I see will jog my memory," Luke was really working Casey now. He was trying to get his way and Casey knew that. Luke was nothing if not predictable. Casey also knew that if he didn't try to placate Luke, he would go his own way and leave the house alone. Casey wasn't sure if he should be alone in his condition, so, reluctantly, he agreed.

* * *

The two men got into Casey car and headed toward town. Luke was busy flipping the radio stations and glancing up at the passing country side everything few moments. Luke finally found a station that he could listen to and sat back in his seat. There was something he was wondering about Casey and he just decided to ask it.

"What was with you, back at the house?"

"How do you mean?"

"I mean, talking to me and getting that picture. When did you get so insightful?"

"It's my job now," Casey answered and glanced over at Luke. He noticed the confused look and knew that Luke was not going to let that be the only answer. "Ugh! I'm a doctor or at least I will be; a psychiatrist. I'm doing my residency at Memorial,"

"Casey! That's amazing! I am so proud of you!" Luke hadn't felt this happy in a while. He smiled at his friend, but then a realization hit him. "Wait. Is that why you came over? Did Noah call you?"

"No! Noah had no idea I was coming by. I wanted to see you. You're my best friend and I wanted to see if I could help you. I mean you were the one who talked me into going back to school,"

Luke sat back and looked out the window. He felt so lost, even more now. Here was Casey Hughes. He loved Casey, but Casey was a bit of a slacker. Loyal to no end, but a slacker. Even Casey had his life together. He had a job that he obviously loved and he was good at, Luke couldn't deny that, and Luke was back at square one. He needed to remember his life. He needed to get back what he had lost. No matter how small or insignificant.

"So, where do you want to go? Go and see your mom and dad?"

"No," Luke said with a heavy heart. He loved his parents, but he didn't want the fussing that would come with it. He already felt like crippled; he didn't need to be reminded. He suddenly knew where he wanted to go. "I want to go to work,"

"Huh?"

"I want to go to where I work. The nurse told me that's where I was when I collapsed. I want to go and see it,"

"Ok," Casey hesitated. He wanted to be sure that Noah knew where they were and what was going on. He parked the car and quickly texted Noah that they were not home and that Luke wanted to see where he worked. Casey hoped that Noah would be able to ease Luke into this; meet them there. What Casey didn't know was that Noah was deep into re-editing his interview. Noah was surrounded by computer equipment and his phone got no bars in the editing room.

* * *

Casey got out of the car and followed Luke around to the building's double glass doors. Luke stopped just outside the doors that led to the lobby and was staring off in the direction of a small collection of benches in the front of the building. There were a few people eating their lunches; enjoying the spring air. Casey put his hand on Luke shoulder. He could feel his friend shaking just a bit.

"Luke?" Casey asked as he saw Luke close his eyes.

Luke was somewhere else. He was remembering something. He could see him and Noah having lunch. They were chatting and eating burgers from Al's. He couldn't remember what they talked about, but he remembered the feeling. The warmth he felt in heart spread through his entire body. He could feel the affection that he felt towards Noah. Luke ran his fingers through Noah's hair and Noah leaned towards Luke; looking for a kiss. It was a quick flash, not lasting more than a minute, but it gave him hope.

"What?"

"Are you ok?" Casey asked as he stepped in front of Luke. He could see fresh tears just at the edges of Luke's eyes. "Ok. I'm taking you home," Casey said and then took Luke's arm; moving back towards his car.

"No Casey. I need to do this. I'll be ok," Luke reassured Casey and they went inside.

The elevator ride to the fifteenth floor was a bit nerve-wracking for Luke. He was told that he ran Grimaldi Shipping. Something that he just could not believe, but he knew that there had to be a reason. Luke was wringing his hands and chewing on his lower lip. The elevator stopped and the doors pulled open. They walked out and into the main lobby of the Grimaldi offices. The place was flurry of activity. There were people moving about and no one noticed him. At first. All it took was the receptionist to see him standing by the elevator.

"Oh! Mr. Mayer. I didn't know you were coming," the short brunette said as she stepped around her desk and over to him. She was extremely excited to see her boss. She missed not seeing him everyday when he came into work.

"Thank you, uh?"

"Amy. Mr. Mayer. My name is Amy," her heart broke just a little. Amy had heard that he had lost his memory, but for some strange reason, she had hoped that he still remembered her.

"Thank you Amy," Luke was getting more and more uneasy as he stood there and Casey could see it. He slipped his arm around Luke's back and directed them towards Luke's office. Luke had to hear 'Hi, Mr. Mayer' come from everyone he passed. It felt so weird to hear it. He knew that that it was he name, but it didn't make hearing it any easier. Casey got Luke into his office and closed the door. Luke felt tired already. He had put up a good front all day, but he was exhausted. First, there was the kiss with Noah this morning and now here Luke is. Standing in his office where he has apparently been running Grimaldi Shipping. He just could not get his head around it. If someone had told him this would happen, he would have said that they were crazy.

Luke walked around the office; taking it all in. It was modest while being modern as well. The walls were a dark gray and the floors were a light hardwood. Luke's desk was messy, but still looked organized. He walked around the desk and sat at his chair. There were pictures all along the top. It made sense, family was extremely important to Luke; he was glad to see that some things didn't change. The first one he saw was what looked like a family photo. His parents were in there along with him and Aaron; Holden's arm wrapped around Aaron's shoulders and Luke's arm was wrapped around his mom's. There was a tall brunette girl he knew was Faith. Another girl smack dab in her teens that he recognized as Natalie. Ethan was playing around in the middle. Luke could see trees and water; it must have been taken at the pond.

The next picture was of him and Noah. It looked like a ceremony; Luke took it as their wedding. Luke was dressed white suit with a chocolate brown shirt underneath; it looked like he went sans tie. Noah was wearing a black suit with a white shirt and a light grey tie. They had their arms around each other and they were simply smiling at each other. Luke had never seen himself smile quite like that before. Luke was always optimistic and smiling went along with that, but this smile was completely different. The picture was taken in a white tent and he could just make out Snyder Pond's dock in the distance.

The next picture was a candid shot from some kind of party. Whoever took it didn't tell them and snapped it quickly. Luke had his hands laced together behind Noah's head. Noah's left hand was resting on Luke's side, just at his hip and his right hand was cupping Luke's face. They looked about 30 seconds from sharing a kiss. The last photo was a copy of the one that Casey had shown him this morning. Him and Noah in Old Towne. Luke suddenly felt very sad.

"I've missed so much," Luke said in a heartbroken voice.

"You haven't missed anything Luke," Casey said and Luke looked up at his friend. "You just have to find it again," Luke simply nodded, having no voice to agree. Just then the door opened and a young man about Luke's age came in.

"Ah, Luke. I had heard that you were here, but I didn't believe it,"

"Who are you?" Casey asked, trying to help Luke to not feel embarrassed like he did with the receptionist earlier.

"I'm Alex, Mr. Mayer's assistant," Luke felt his jaw clench when Alex called him _"Mr. Mayer"._

* * *

Noah was just finishing up. The re-edit went faster than he thought. He even liked it better than the original. He gave Kim the new cut and walked out to his truck. His phone beeped, signaling that he had a message. It was from Casey. Noah's breathing stopped; he was with Luke. With a racing heart, Noah opened the message.

_**Luke and I went for a drive. He wanted to see Grimaldi shipping. Meet us there!**_

Noah jumped into his truck and raced there. How could Casey have been so stupid? Luke should not be out of the house. He is not ready to be seeing anyone yet. He should stay home where he safe. Noah broke about a half-dozen traffic laws getting there.

* * *

"Ah, Alex?" Luke asked, standing up from the desk.

"Yes?"

"Were you here when I collapsed?"

"Yeah I was. I was standing right next to you," Alex answered and Luke saw the color drain from his face.

"Can I see where it happened?"

"It was in the conference room. It's just down the hall," Alex opened the door and Luke followed right behind him. Casey made sure to keep close to Luke. He knew Noah was going to blow a gasket when he got his text message and he figured his chances would be better if he was with Luke the whole time. Alex walked just to Luke's left and could see his boss limp ever so slightly as they walked towards the conference room. Noah had told him about Luke's condition, but to actually see it. Alex use to think that Luke was charmed and could do no wrong. He was seeing a whole new side to his boss; the vulnerable side. Alex opened the doors and the other two men walked inside.

The room hadn't been used since Luke's collapse. The lights were off and the sun streaming through the drawn curtains cast an unsettling glow to the room. The light was shining off the metal in the chair's and the table; the light reflections were bouncing off each of the white walls. Alex turned the lights on and Luke looked around the room. He wandered around the table and tried to focus. He had a memory flash outside, he wanted to force one here. He needed to.

"You said you were here?" Luke asked Alex who nodded in response. "What happened?"

"Well, you came into work like you always did. You got your messages and we went over your schedule for the day. You had a meeting with Diversified Distributions at 10am that morning. You were sitting right there," Alex pointed to Luke's left at the chair that he had been sitting in that morning. Luke followed Alex's movements and let him continue. "You seemed off. Not yourself. I asked you what was wrong and you said you were fine. The board of Diversified came in and then the meeting started. You were just starting your opener when you just stopped; mid-sentence. You looked like you were getting dizzy. I asked you if you were ok and you looked at me like you didn't know me. You came to your senses and kept going. You joked that you hadn't had any coffee. I knew something was wrong though. You told everyone to turn to page "apple" and when I came back to you, you were slurring your words. You said something about a chicken and ball and then that was it. You fell straight to floor. I was so scared. Someone called for an ambulance and I waited at the hospital for Noah to come. Calling him was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Just hearing his voice," Alex concluded and Luke saw him physically shiver at the memory of it. Casey's eyes had been following his friend as he listened to his assistant replay what happened that morning. Luke made large circles around the room and took in everything. Casey could see that Luke was starting to get upset. He quickly crossed the room and stood in front of him. Luke stopped in front of his friend and Casey could read his face; he wanted to get out of here.

"I'm taking you home," and Casey was not asking. The two men stepped into the hallway and made their way toward the lobby of the Grimaldi offices. They were just about to get into the elevator; Casey had actually pushed the down arrow and they waited for the familiar ding to mark the elevator's arrival.

"Mr. Mayer? I heard you were here today. Are you feeling ok?" asked a man standing in front of the elevators. Luke didn't turn around or answer him. "Mr. Mayer? Are you feeling all right?"

Luke lost it! He could feel his entire body growing hot and he could not contain the anger that was boiling to the surface.

"MY NAME IS NOT MAYER! IT IS SNYDER! MY NAME IS LUKE SNYDER! I SWEAR IF I HEAR _**ONE MORE PERSON**_ CALL ME MAYER EVEN ONE MORE TIME…," Luke stopped when he saw Noah standing in the now open elevator. Luke was sure what he was seeing on Noah's face; it looked like embarrassment and shame. Casey quickly ushered Luke on the elevator and the three of them rode down to the lobby in silence. To say it was awkward would be an understatement.

Noah insisted on taking Luke home and Luke was too embarrassed and exhausted to argue. Casey said that he would call later to check up on Luke and he was sure that he would get the riot act from Noah on their little field trip. Luke sat on the passenger side of the truck as Noah drove back to their house. Noah was gritting his teeth and his knuckles were white on the steering wheel. Luke was leaning his head against the passenger window. There was a fence that ran parallel to the road and Luke watched the fence posts tick past them; slowly getting sleepy. They pulled into the driveway and Noah parked near the utility shed. Luke was out of the truck and closing the door before Noah had even opened his. The anger that he was holding in his heart quickly deflated as he watched his husband almost run into the house. Noah slowly walked inside and was immediately confronted by Luke.

"Why did I take your name? Why did I do that? My family is so important to me and I can't imagine just taking your name when we got married. So, why did I? You did you have to convince me? You know, I fought so hard to figure how I was and to come to terms with that! And after high school, I was finally ok with myself. So, why would I throw all that away?" Luke was standing just inside the kitchen and Noah was across the room; just inside the backdoor threshold.

"Because I have no other family. I have you. When I met you and came out, my dad couldn't accept it. When we were planning our wedding, I had insisted on changing my name, but you said no. You told me that Ethan and Aaron would carry on the Snyder name, along with Parker and JJ and Jacob. You said you wanted us to start our own family and make the Mayer name stand for something good again," Noah just opened his heart and let the words bleed out all over the floor.

"What do you mean, "stand for something good again"?" Luke's arms were still crossed not quite as tightly as a few minutes ago. Noah let out an haggard breath and continued.

"My dad was a colonel in the army. He, ah, he killed my mother right after I moved here. I barely knew her and I didn't even know that she lived in Oakdale. He also did a lot of other really awful things, he's in prison right now and he's never getting out. That was why I wanted to change my last name to Snyder, because of how terrible my dad is. But you said…," Noah stopped as he tried to regain his crumbling composure. Luke had been taking steps towards Noah the whole time he was talking. He was now just an arm's length away.

"What did I say?" Luke asked; eager to hear more.

"You told me that was _**exact**_ reason to carry on the name. To make my mom proud and erase all that my dad had done," the tears came as Noah relived some his past with Luke, to Luke.

"Noah, I'm so sorry," Luke said as he put his hand on Noah's shoulder. Noah could feel the heat radiating from Luke's hand. He could feel his desire for Luke boiling just under the surface. He had to tell himself to breath in and out and to not grab Luke and kiss him under he begged for air.

"Yeah, so am I," Noah replied softly. Luke pulled his hand away and took a step back. Noah could feel the rope that tied him to Luke pull at his heart just a bit. Noah was afraid that at any moment it would snap. He could not let that happen.

"I really tired and I have an appointment with Dr. Oliver tomorrow. I think I'm going to go to bed,"

"Ok," Noah couldn't move. He just watched Luke walk towards the stairs and give him one more look before he started to climb them. "Goodnight," Noah called out and Luke smiled in return.

Noah felt his entire body turn to jelly as soon as Luke's door shut. He collapsed on the couch and dropped his tired head into his hands. Relationship or not, Noah wasn't sure he was going to be able to survive this. But Luke was worth it. He was worth everything. He saw Luke's eyes when he was talking about his dad. Luke felt it too. That look was what he was hanging onto now.

* * *

**Well? Whatta think?**

**How do you want it to end?**

**Next time on _A Life Adrift_ - The boys take a little trip down memory lane.**

**Stay Tuned!**


	5. Chapter Five

**I knew that i could get you guys hooked!**

**I hope that the angst isn't killing ya too much.**

**I am loving all the great feedback!**

**Enjoy!**

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Chapter Five

Luke sat on the cold exam table waiting for Dr. Oliver to start his exam. He still wasn't sure why he had to change into one of those drafty paper gowns. The injury was to his head not anything else. Maybe it was one of those cruel jokes. 'He's already vulnerable, let's make his ass hang out too!' Luke thought to himself. It was a good thing he insisted on the nurse giving him two gowns. He had no idea how long he had been sitting in the office waiting for his doctor. He was getting really close to snooping, but he figured as soon as he started, Dr. Oliver would show up. He was absent-mindedly swinging his feet back and forth when Dr. Oliver came into the room. Reid saw him for a moment and he looked even younger than his 26 years, if that was even possible.

"Good Morning, Luke,"

"Hey Dr. Oliver," Luke said and felt his heart beat double for a split second. _What was that?_

"How are you?" Dr. Oliver asked while he looked over Luke's chart. Luke always wondered what was so important on his chart. Dr. Oliver rarely made eye-contact with, unless it was to make a snarky remark.

"Ok. I guess,"

"Any headaches?" Reid asked while shining a light in Luke's eyes to test his pupil reaction.

"Not really. Minor ones I guess, when I…,"

"When you what?" Reid asked, genuinely wondering. "Any sign of pain could be an indication of further damage. I really need to know if there was anything happening. Even if you think it's minor,"

"I've been trying some memory exercises,"

"I thought you sceduled to start that part of your physical therapy until this afternoon. Luke?"

"I did an internet search and read about some techniques," Luke confessed to his doctor. He also felt his cheeks reddened in embarrassment.

"You really must be stupid or maybe it's this town?" Reid started, not holding back his annoyance. "Do I really even need to be here or will you do another search and do the exam yourself? Does your phone have an app for that?" Reid was fed-up, he slammed Luke's chart down on the exam table. Luke jumped slightly at Dr. Oliver's reaction.

"Easy! You really do have the worst bedside manner of doctor I have ever met! And I have met my fair share,"

"Why thank you. I know about your many visits to Memorial, I needed to two very big interns to carry your file into my office. Bedside manner or not, I _saved_ your life. If any other doctor had operated on you, you would probably be a one carrot short of a veggie plate. You are jeopardizing your recovery by pushing your limits too far much too fast. I suggest that from now on, you follow my directions to the letter,"

"You're right! Ok! You're right! Happy? I just, I can't just sit around. I need to be doing _something_. You have no idea what this is like,"

"All right, tell me. What is it like?" Reid rolled his eyes and crossed his arms in front of him. He couldn't _wait_ to hear this. He was curious how the People's Prince of Oakdale saw this as unfair.

"I feel like I woke up in someone else's body, someone else's life. It took a long time for me to finally accept that I was gay and to accept myself and now. Now I have an entirely different life that I have to just accept. It's not fair,"

"You're right. It's not fair, but I will tell you this. You're alive. You can walk and talk. You are able to use the bathroom by yourself and form a fairly coherent sentence. Your pretty face isn't paralyzed,"

"Why are you telling me this?" Luke asked becoming increasingly uneasy.

"For you to see that you are lucky, despite your memory loss and the mild weakness on your left side. Most people who have strokes have to live with very severe changes. Walkers, canes, wheelchairs," Reid saw Luke flinch when he said wheelchairs. He made a mental note to look into that one. "You are meeting with your regular PT today and you are going to follow whatever directions that he gives you. Do you understand me?"

"Yes," Luke answered back in a soft voice and put his hands up to surrender. He felt awful for complaining when Dr. Oliver was right. At least someone in his life wasn't trying to baby him. They went through the rest of the exam in relative quiet. Then Luke had to go to see his PT for the mental part of therapy. He was dreading this and excited for it at the same time. It was a strange to feel both ways about it. He walked into the therapy offices and took a deep breath to calm his nerves.

* * *

Noah decided to get some work done after he dropped Luke off at the hospital for his check-up. Noah desperately wanted to go with Luke, but he thought better of it. Luke had been under his "supervision" for almost a week now and he knew that Luke was dying for some away-from-Noah time. As much as it pained him to not be there, at least Luke had a bit of freedom. Plus Luke was at the hospital, if anything happened, he was going to be safe there. Noah had to get over his fear of letting Luke out of his sight. He was so afraid that if something else happened to Luke, he would not be able to get there in time. That he would lose Luke for good the next time. He just hoped that Dr. Oliver was as good as he said he was.

The interview that Noah shot of Adam Wilbur, Luke's PR manager at the foundation, had aired without a hitch and the station was getting calls and hits to their website about the fundraiser that Luke's foundation was having next week. The foundation was trying to raise money to build a new wing on Memorial. Henry Coleman had put up a large chunk of the funding, a move that still shocked those who knew Henry the best, with Luke' foundation underwriting the rest. The fundraiser was for finishing up the wing just right and to be sure that the construction wouldn't stall out. It was going to be a neurological wing named after Brad Snyder and it was going to the best in the country. It was still in the planning stages. They had finally narrowed down the candidate to run it though. Dr. Reid Oliver had been in Oakdale for only a week when Luke had his stroke. Noah thanked his lucky stars that Dr. Oliver had been in Oakdale when Luke needed him.

Luke texted Noah when his appointment was finished and he went to sit out in the hospital courtyard. The hospital was quite old and it still had its original courtyard. The Hospital Auxiliary always made sure that the flowers were taken care of and the grounds were cleaned up. His grandma Emma was on the Auxiliary and he smiled when he would see her touches around the place. Her signature Blue Girl Tea Roses and her Oriental Lilies made their appearance. There were also transplanted lilac bushes grafted from the huge bushes at Snyder Farm.

The birds were singing, the sun was shining and the clouds were few and far between. He sat back in one of the memorial benches and closed his eyes. He turned off his brain and just sat in the sun. His PT told him that he should just relax once and a while. He needed to give him mind time to heal. Luke had a hard time just sitting and not doing anything. But he told Dr. Oliver that he would do what his therapist said and he was going to give it a try. He wasn't thinking about his condition or Noah or anything else. He was just in that moment; letting everything around him drift away. He could smell the tea roses and lilacs and the pine smell from the hedges just behind him. He could hear the faint trickle of water from the century old fountain that seemed to run no matter its condition. The sun was warming his skin then the breeze would come and cool it down again. He turned his brain off and then it happened.

_"DO NOT TOUCH ME!" Noah yelled in his face and slammed the door behind him. Luke had a sudden ache, tight and infinite, in his chest. He felt sorrow and guilt and pain; it coursed through his entire body. He was sweating and breathing heavy. This flood of emotions was like nothing he had ever experienced._

"Luke?" A male voice asked, it sounded distant and far away.

Luke hands balled into fists and he shook his head, hoping to shake away the pain.

"Luke?" The voice called again. Luke was shaking and the color was draining from his face. Noah grabbed Luke's arms and shook him, hoping to wake him from this dream or whatever it was. "Luke!" Noah yelled and Luke's eyes shot open. His dark brown eyes looked terrified as they met Noah caring blue ones. Luke was breathing heavy and he grabbed onto to Noah's forearms, attempting to anchor himself to something. Noah was crouched down in front of Luke and massaged the blonde's arms, trying to give him some comfort and let him know that he was there. Luke felt relief flow over the grief and fear that was previously there. He closed his eyes and let out a long haggard breath. Noah cupped Luke face and felt him shaking under his touch. Luke felt his stomach swirl and pitch; he thought he was going to be sick.

"Luke? Talk to me, tell me what's wrong?"

"I just want to go home. Can you take me home?"

"Of course. Can you, ah stand on your own?" Noah asked as he stood to his full height. Luke nodded and pushed off the bench to stand. Instinctively the two men reached for each other; one helping and the other asking for help. They walked to Noah's truck and they left the hospital behind them. Noah wanted to know what was going. What was wrong with Luke? They were about halfway home, Oakdale was disappearing in the rearview mirror, and Noah finally got the nerve to ask Luke about it.

"Luke? What happened back in the garden? When I found you, you were sweating and breathing really hard. You scared me. Are you ok? Are you in any pain?"

"I have a headache and I'm a bit nauseous, but other than that I'm fine,"

"Ok, then what happened?"

"What did I do to make you scream "Do not touch me!" in my face?" Luke didn't look at Noah; he kept staring out the window as he waited for Noah to answer. Noah felt his heart do a flip in his chest. He was dreading a conversation like this.

"Did you remember anything?" Noah asked, afraid to hear that answer.

"Just you screaming at me and I felt awful. I didn't remember anything specific. All I could remember was the feelings I had. I felt scared and heartbroken and this _**unbelievable**_ sorrow. I have never felt anything like it and I never want to again,"

Noah pulled into their driveway and parked his truck. He could see Luke was exhausted; his head was resting against the window and his eyes were shut. He walked around the front of the truck and helped Luke to his feet. The two walked into the house and Luke sat down on the couch. He pulled his knees to his chest and curled into a little ball. Noah sat down on the opposite end of the couch and watched his husband for a few moments. He wasn't shaking quite as much, but his color was still a little ashen. He look so vulnerable and helpless, Noah had to still his hands from reaching out to hold him.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" Luke asked as he slowly opened his eyes. It was true, he was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to go to sleep, but he needed to know what happened. Noah let out a deep breath and turned to face Luke; his back propped up against the arm of the couch and his left leg pulled close to his body. He was dreading bringing up bad memories, but if Luke would remember one bad, and then maybe he would remember one good.

"It was New Year's, 2009. We had just spent the evening at Metro. We were dancing and just being with each other. We were planning on making love for the first time. We had it all planned out. But before we could continue with our plans, I ended up talking to my ex girlfriend," he saw Luke's brow furrow. "She was the last girl I dated before I came out. She was having a really bad night; she came in Metro in tears and needed someone to talk to. You saw us leaving and got jealous. You drank a little too much and then when I went looking for you, I found you kissing someone else in Old Towne and I hit him. We went back to your mom's. I was furious; I thought the other guy attacked you, but you told me the truth. That _you_ kissed _him_. I was so angry that you would do that, do that to us. I yelled at you and that's when I told you not to touch me,"

"But why would I do that? I mean, if everything you say is true, why would I risk our relationship to kiss someone else?"

"I have to admit that part of it was my fault. My dad was pretty strict growing up. We never talked about what we were feeling. You weren't sure how much I wanted to be with you because I wasn't good at showing you. The other guy, you knew he wanted to be with you, he told you he did. That he was attracted to you. You were drunk and not thinking clearly; you didn't mean to do it. It was just an overreaction on both of our parts,"

Luke was fighting to stay awake. With his appointment and his therapy and now his flashback, he was so tired. He knew as soon as he laid down he would be asleep. He started to get up and Noah was right there helping him. Luke hated it when Noah hovered, but he also knew that there was no point in arguing or even trying to go it alone. Luke knew that his tired body would not be able to make it upstairs by itself. He let the tall brunette help him up the stairs and into bed. Luke lay back on the pillows and Noah pulled the covers up to his chest. Noah had to fight the urge to not kiss him goodnight.

"Thanks Noah," Luke said in a sleepy voice.

"You don't need to thank me. Sleep well Luke," Noah whispered and softly closed the door behind him. He leaned against the wall for a moment and thought back to their prior conversation. He didn't want to leave details out, but what could he tell him. Tell him that his ex-girlfriend was Maddie Coleman, one of Luke's best friends. Tell Luke that he was terrified that Noah may decide he was straight after all. Tell him that Noah caught him kissing Brian Wheatley, who was his step-grandfather at the time. Tell Luke that Brian was gay and had been coming on to Luke the entire time he was with Lucinda. Tell him that Brian did kiss him once and Brian's denial of that and Noah disbelief of it, caused Luke to start drinking again.

That would have gone over real well. There was only so much that Luke could take in one swipe. He let out a breath and went downstairs. It was only 2 in the afternoon and he figured he could get caught up on some work around the house. Anything to take his mind off the beautiful blonde asleep in the guest room across from his bedroom.

* * *

Luke woke up about five hours later, hungrier than he had been in a long time. He padded downstairs and found Noah in the kitchen. He was working on their bills. He had different letters and envelopes sorted out in front of him. Their checkbook was to the left of him and his laptop was to his right. He had a pen gripped in his teeth and a pair of brown rimmed glasses to help him read; they were perched on the bridge of Noah's nose. Luke laughed out loud and that got Noah's attention. The laugh was like music. He almost forgot how much he missed it until he actually heard it. He didn't let on how the much the laugh affected him. He didn't want Luke to be self-conscious.

"Hey," Noah said

"Hey," Luke responded. "What are you doing?"

"Monthly bills. How did you sleep?"

"Pretty good," Luke let out a long yawn to illustrate that, "but now I'm starving,"

"Oh, ok. What are you hungry for?" Noah asked as he stood up. Luke walked over to the island and sat down. He really hated Noah taking care of him this much, but with his still shaky hand, it was probably safer if Noah did all the cooking that required fire.

"Not sure. What do you got?"

"Well, let me see," Noah said as he opened the fridge door and peered inside. He bent over slightly and Luke couldn't help but stare at Noah in his tight jeans. The jeans hung a little low and hugged all the right places. Noah's shirt rode up slightly and Luke could see the soft skin just above Noah's waistband. Noah's black boxer briefs also decided to make a minor walk-on role. They peeked just a bit out of his pants in the back. Noah was grabbing a few things and then turned back to Luke. "How about I make you some French Toast?"

"That sounds great," Luke said with a smile. He felt calm and at ease. He knew that it wouldn't last for long, it just couldn't, but he was going to revel in it. At least for a little while.

* * *

**Well, whatta think?**

**I'll try to get another chapter up as soon as I can.**

**Thanks for stopping by!**

**Next time on _A Life Adrift_ - Luke has a flash and goes exploring in his and Noah's past.**

**Stay Tuned!**


	6. Chapter Six

**Luke and his damned curiousity!**

**I hope you enjoy this one, I have to admit - this was fun to write!**

**Thanks for coming by!**

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**Chapter Six**

Luke tossed and turned, unable to get to sleep. The nap he took when he got home from therapy had totally put him off sleeping now. He rolled over and looked at the nightstand. The alarm clock shined in bright blue – 2:37 am. It was almost like it was taunting him. _Just try getting to sleep blondie, I dare ya!_ He decided to give in; give up would be even more accurate. He kicked the blankets off in frustration and got up. He stepped into the dark hallway and make sure he was quiet so he wouldn't wake Noah. Luke just did not want any kind of hovering right now. He went downstairs and into the kitchen.

Luke looked around the kitchen as went to his task. A cold glass of milk and a mountain of chocolate cookies are just what he needed. The room was personable, even for a kitchen it was relaxing. There were miss matched chairs around the table by the four windows that looked out on the back porch. Luke could see little trinkets that they probably got on vacations that they went on. There were family photos along the top of a buffet next to the back door. He smiled as he looked at pics of him and his siblings at the pond. He poured himself some milk, grabbed the cow cookie jar, and sat down at the island. Pulling the lid off and fishing out an Oreo, something caught his eye. The jar was not quite right. The nose on the cow was upside down. Luke ran his finger of the jar's front and laughed to himself.

'_Who would make the jar look so odd?'_ He asked himself. No sooner than the thought entered his mind did he get his answer.

* * *

Luke and Noah were just moving in. It was a warm fall day about three years ago. Noah was unpacking the living room while Luke was in the kitchen.

"Ohhhh!" Luke exclaimed which got Noah running into the kitchen.

"What, what, what?" Noah asked; a tinge of worry in his voice. Luke pulled out what caused his distress. Their cow cookie jar was broken, her nose had come clear off.

"Good riddance," Noah muttered as he grabbed for the broken ceramic jar. Reaching for it to toss it out.

"Noah! The kids gave us this," Luke insisted as he pulled the jar away from Noah's outstretched hands.

"I know, but Luke you said it yourself, her eyes are creepy," Noah said, looking at the ugly vessel. It was a short, fat cow cookie jar. "Her eyes follow you wherever you go," he moved slightly from right to left to illustrate his point. Her eyes reminded Noah of one of those ugly cat clocks, the eyes were just abnormally huge and creeped him out. When they lived at the apartment, the jar's butt end was always facing out. They only turned it around when the kids came over.

"But the kids would be heartbroken if we don't use it,"

"Ok, ok. I'll try to fix it," Noah acquiesced after seeing Luke's puppy dog eyes.

"Thank you," Luke said cheerfully and gave his boyfriend a kiss on the cheek. Noah pulled a stool up to the center island and started to tinker with the jar, a tube of super glue in hand. After a couple attempts, he finally got the broken nose to stick. Noah blew on the tacky glue for a few moments and looked over at his boyfriend across the kitchen. Luke was occupied at the counter with his back to Noah. Luke was busy unwrapping dishes when he felt two arms snake around his waist. He laughed lightly and leaned back into his boyfriend. Noah let out a long breath that slid across the back of Luke's neck. He felt his blonde squirm slightly against him. Noah lightly brushed his lips across Luke's skin. Luke could feel his body temp shoot up and his cheeks flushed red.

"What got into you?" Luke inquired.

"I love it when you get all domestic," Noah purred into Luke's ear. Luke loved it when Noah talked like that. Hell. Noah could read a phone book and it would sound sexy in the voice.

"Really? Well, how about we christen the kitchen first?" Luke asked and turned around in Noah's arms.

"Sounds like an excellent place to start. Then the living room?" Noah asked while Luke started to kiss his neck.

"I was thinking the back porch," Luke playfully licked at Noah neck as he slid his hands under Noah's t-shirt. It wasn't until the next day that they realized that the nose was wrong. Of course, Luke put it into perfect perspective. "At least it distracts from her eyes,"

* * *

Luke felt his stomach lurch when the flash ended. It was the first real memory he'd had. He'd had feelings and déjà vu, but this was an actual memory. He decided he needed to explore the house a bit; see if anything else came to him. If he had that kind of flash from a cookie jar, what else could he get from something a little more personal? He walked out of the kitchen and back into the living room. He was in this room when he came home, he wanted to see some of the other rooms. There was a hallway that branched off the living room and ran parallel to the kitchen. Luke slowly walked down the hall; taking it all in. There were a couple doors toward the end of the hall. One was a pantry/linen closet. The other door led into what Luke assumed was an office. It was really big office at that. There were two desks, facing each other. It was very _'His Girl Friday'_. Luke shook his head when that thought popped to the surface. _Where did that come from?_ He asked himself.

One desk was neat while the other was very messy; Luke didn't need three guesses to figure out which one was his. He sat down at his desk and looked about. There was a bunch of books stacked on the left, each with post-its sticking out in various places and colors. Luke always did like to make notes. There was a Gateway laptop on the desk. Luke clicked open the lid and turned it on. While he waited for it to boot up, he kept exploring. There were documents with the Grimaldi logo on them; Luke didn't have the stomach to go through those. There was also a bunch of file folders with _Luke Snyder Foundation_ on them. His brow crinkled as he looked them over. He decided to do a little internet search.

Luke typed Luke Snyder Foundation into a search engine and waited. When .org popped up, Luke clicked on the link and waited.

The site was real. Luke had started a foundation. He started to click on the testimonials. Various organizations applauded the LSF for funding projects that no one else would or making other come to fruition. Luke read that he was even funding an addition to Memorial with Dr. Oliver slated to run it. Luke hit the "About Us" link and begun to read.

_The Luke Snyder Foundation was founded in late 2008 by then 22 year old Luke Snyder. In 2008, Luke was given his family inheritance by his biological father Damian Grimaldi. Wanting to do some good with the money, The Luke Snyder Foundation was born._

_Luke has used his money to help many different causes since the foundation's inception. He starred in PSA's with his mother Lily Walsh about discrimination against gays and lesbians in finding housing. Being a gay man himself, Luke was very passionate about the cause, "I don't understand how loving someone could bother someone else. My relationship has nothing to do with anyone else but me and my partner."_

_The foundation has also sponsored trips for ill children and scholarships for deserving underprivileged teens. Presently the LSF is underwriting additional funds for the construction of the Snyder Pavilion; a multi-billion dollar addition to the Oakdale Memorial Hospital. The new neurological wing is named after Brad Snyder, Luke's cousin, who passed away in 2010. The groundbreaking will take place in late 2012 with construction slated to be finished in late 2013._

Luke was flabbergasted. He had taken in so much. First, Damian had given him his inheritance back, even after Luke had refused it. But more importantly, Brad had died. Luke's heart wept. Brad and him had not been close, but they were cousins and he loved him. He made a mental note to call Katie tomorrow.

Wiping the tears away from his eyes, he continued to click around the site. He clicked on the media link and a movie viewer popped up. Luke activated the "Play Me" button and waited for the video to load. His face came onto the screen and Luke watched himself. Luke was sitting in what looked like his office at Grimaldi. He was wearing a dress shirt and his tie was loosened. His hair was a much longer than it is now; he figured this video was filmed a while ago.

"Hello everyone, I want to welcome you to the Luke Snyder Foundation website. My name is Luke Mayer and I founded this organization almost five years ago. As you can tell my name is not Snyder anymore. I got married last year," Luke held up his hand and showed off his silver wedding band, "and I took my husband's name. I am a gay man. I came out when I was 17 and that is why gay and lesbian causes are so very important to me. I was very lucky to have two loving parents who accept me as I am. I will admit it was a little rocky at first, but I have had nothing but unconditional support from them and the rest of my crazy family.

"That is why I am announcing that the LSF has partnered with The Trevor Project. All the links are located at the bottom of this page. Our partnership will hopefully make it easier for gay, lesbian, bisexual or questioning teens to have someone to go to. Someone who understands,"

The screen faded to black and then Noah's face appeared. He was sitting in the same place that Luke's video was filmed. He was wearing a t-shirt with a striped dress shirt over that.

"Hello everyone, my name is Noah Mayer and please bear with me. I am used to being behind the camera and not in front of it. You just met my better half Luke, pretty cute isn't he," Noah said and added a wink of a little more emphasis. Luke felt his cheeks reddened, but kept the video running. "When he told me about his partnership with The Trevor Project I thought it was a great idea. He then wanted me to tell you all the story of my coming out. It took awhile, but he was finally able to convince me.

"I was in denial most of my life. I always knew that I was different from the other guys, but I never knew or wanted to acknowledge why. That was until I met Luke. He was out and happy and his family accepted him. When I was finally able to accept that I was truly gay, it felt like weight had been lifted and this freedom to be myself was like nothing I had ever experienced before. When I finally told my dad that I gay, it did not turn out well," Noah took a breath and swallowed hard. Luke could see that he was getting a little choked up, but he continued. "My dad was a colonel in the Army and no son of his was going to be gay. If it hadn't been for Luke and his family and the great friends I met in Oakdale I don't know where I'd be. I was so lucky to find where I belong and I never want to be anywhere else.

"But there are thousands who aren't as lucky. So, follow the links and donate what you can. Whether it is time or money. Thanks," Noah finished and looked off camera. "Was that good?" He asked someone.

"That was perfect," said the off-camera voice and then Luke came into the frame. Noah's arms went around Luke's waist and Luke draped his arms across Noah's shoulders. "I love you," Luke's whisper to Noah was almost inaudible.

"I love you more," Noah whispered back. Luke cupped Noah's face in his hands and brought their lips together for a kiss. When they pulled away, Noah looked at the camera and then looked past the camera. "Is that still on?" he questioned the operator and then the video ended.

Luke let out a shaky breath. He had learned so much and he head was spinning. He looked at the clock on the wall to his right, it was almost 5 am. Luke had no idea when Noah would be up, but he decided to go back to bed. He was exhausted from his little exploration and he just wanted to close his eyes. Luke decided he was going to ask Noah about some of things he found out. Get him to open up about them and find out some things about his past and present. This not knowing was killing him. It was almost like Noah was keeping things from him. Not telling him everything. He didn't know for sure, obviously, but he could feel it. He didn't know Noah that well right now, but he had a feeling that things were more complicated than Noah was letting on.

Luke reached his door, but he hesitated. He looked to Noah's door and chewed on his lip while he contemplated what he wanted to do. He decided to just go with his gut. He figured that it was a safe bet, since he had nothing else to draw from. He carefully opened the door and looked inside. The room was quiet and Noah was still asleep. Luke could hear very faint snoring coming from the bed. Luke softly crept towards the bed. He didn't want to wake Noah, how would he explain this?

Luke stood by Noah's side of the bed and looked down at him. Noah was lying on his side facing Luke. His left arm was tucked under his pillow and his right was draped across his side. Noah's hair was sticking up in all directions and his mouth was open slightly. He looked so cute, like a little boy. Luke looked at him and had the memory of the video running through his head.

He had saved Noah?

Luke would have helped anyone, but how did they manage to latch onto each other? Luke wondered what he had done or said to Noah to convince him to come out. He must have been persistent. Noah stirred slightly and Luke had to stifle a yawn. He needed to sleep. And he would admit to no one, but for a moment he was tempted to crawl into Noah's bed. Just to see what it was like to sleep beside him. But banished that thought as soon as it entered his mind. He didn't want to give him the wrong idea, and that would for sure do it. Luke left the room as quietly as he entered and slipped into his own room. As his eyes grew heavier, he made a promise to himself that he was going to get more out of Noah tomorrow. He had to. This not knowing was getting to be too much. He felt like his life was on hold until he found out what he was forgetting.

And then Luke was asleep.

* * *

**Whatta think?**

**It was fun fleshing out the Foundation.**

**Next time on _A Life Adrift_ - Luke plays investigator, but what is Noah hiding?**

**Stay Tuned!**


	7. Chapter Seven

**Well, we are over half-way to the end!**

**I'm glad that you guys are still sticking in there with me.**

**Angst isn't for everyone!**

**Enjoy!**

**

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**Chapter Seven**

Luke and Noah's lives continued on for the next two weeks. They were slowly becoming roommates and not a married couple. A development that was eating away at Noah's heart. He wanted so badly to tell Luke everything about them. To share all of their most intimate details of their lives together, but he was also afraid of losing him. Luke's health was shaky at best. He still went for his weekly check-ups but a doctor had done surgery on his brain! Luke was fragile and he was afraid of telling him something that maybe too much to bear. It wasn't like they had a normal relationship.

His dad tried to kill Luke on like their real first time spent together. Luke had been paralyzed for three months after the attack from his father. They fought through that together. Noah had married an illegal immigrant to help her stay in the country. That fiasco nearly destroyed them. Brian was another hurdle that they needed to get over. How about telling Luke that his step-grandfather secretly had the hots for him for months and kissed him when he was drunk? Then he would have to tell him that when he didn't believe him, Luke turned to drinking. But where would he be in his storytelling if he didn't include the whole election disaster. In Luke's realty, he was just about to start school. Now Noah was going to have to tell him that he was expelled; all because of his need to beat Kevin Davis. The more Noah thought about it the more he realized that this was going to get harder and harder. Noah had the irrational hope that Luke would remember things on his own and Noah would not have to deal with the fallout from telling him about their time together and what happened in the in between.

"Are you sure that you're going to be ok if I go to work for a little while?" Noah asked while they stood on their front lawn. Noah had to go to work and film some segments for 'Oakdale Now'. Kim was being great about Noah getting time off to take care of Luke. He did a lot of his work from home, but today she really needed him at the station.

"Noah, I'm not five years old. I can take care of myself. Casey is going to take me to my appointment and then he's going to bring me home. Stop worrying so much,"

"I can't help it. I want to take care of you," Noah said with a shy sort of smile. Luke had to bite his tongue. He didn't want to be taken care of! He hated that. He hated it when he was younger and he could not believe that that had changed. He decided to play it off.

"I know you do, but I need to do things on my own too. It's part of my therapy. I need to do things for myself. My PT says that repetition will help my memory. Go. I'll be fine,"

Noah nodded. He knew that Luke was right. He didn't want to force too much on him. He needed to help him, but Luke also needed to do things for himself. It would help him in the long run.

"I'll be home by six and then we can go to dinner at your mom's," Noah gave Luke a pat on the shoulder and walked out to his car. As he settled into his seat, his mind couldn't help but go back to how they use to say goodbye to each other. One would grab the other and they made sure to share a kiss before they left each other. When he lay down at night, he would try to trick himself that Luke was gone on a business trip and would be home soon. He kept playing that up over and over again. Deep down he knew that it was pathetic and slightly irrational, like he was avoiding realty, but it helped him fall asleep.

Luke watched Noah pull out of the driveway and proceed down their dirt road. He waited a beat until he was sure he was gone and dashed into the house. He sat at his desk and turned on his laptop. He had been waiting for Noah to be gone for the last two weeks. To give him time to look through all things that he wanted to. Last week he woke up in the middle of the night and decided to go exploring again.

Noah wasn't really telling him anything. He had glossed over details and he knew he had. He could tell. He told him that Maddie had moved to Connecticut to go to Wesleyan. They still kept in touch and that Noah and Maddie were real close. He found out that Adam Munson, Casey's brother was a reformed man, which Luke found so hard to believe. After everything that happened between Gwen and Casey and Adam, Luke was still a skeptic. Will and Gwen had two kids now and were happy. That was a story Luke could believe, but he needed to know more. Noah was just not helping him enough.

* * *

Luke woke up late at night again and spent an hour digging through files and everything else on the laptop and nothing. Nothing worth paying attention to. Documents for his foundation and Grimaldi wouldn't tell him how he was feeling about things or how he felt about people. He looked at the clock and saw it said it was nearly 5 am again. Another night of sleep lost. He pushed himself away from the desk and kicked a box with his bare feet. He shook off his stinging toe and went around to Noah's desk. He pulled the chair away and bent down to grab the large cardboard box.

Luke lifted the heavy box up and onto Noah's desk. After turning on the desk lamp, he started to dig through it. There were photos and albums, he flipped one open and it looked like a vacation album. Their wedding album was also there. He also found a few DVD's and letters, but at the bottom of the box he found a portable hard drive and a leather bound book with his initials on it. Noah was hiding this from him. Luke then heard footsteps above him. He froze as he listened; Noah was up. He shoved everything back into the box and put it back under the desk. He tried to leave the office the way he found it. He carefully snuck back up to his room. Just as he closed his door he heard Noah's door open. Luke breathed a sigh of relief as he crawled back into bed. The last thought he had before he fell to asleep was, 'I've got to get back into that box and I have to do it while Noah is gone,'

* * *

When he woke up later that morning he realized how stupid he was acting. He was making this into some kind of conspiracy. As if Noah was purposely trying to keep things from him. That he was not telling Luke things to keep him in the dark. He knew that was not true. Sure, he may not know Noah that well but he knew that Noah wanted Luke to remember his past. Why would he want to keep things to himself and not tell him? Luke then decided that he would talk to Noah first, see if he would willingly share details about his forgotten memories.

"Noah, is there anything that you're not telling me?" Luke asked in a casual tone, not accusing. Noah had to swallow his bite of cereal before he could answer. It also gave him a few seconds to think of something to say.

"Why would you think that?" He was able to get out and he thought it sounded convincing.

"Well, you aren't giving me details. Like why did I leave school? How did Damian convince me that he was for real this time? I was always writing, where is all of that stuff? These are the things that I need to remember what I can't,"

"Luke, you need to take things slow. You body is still healing. You had surgery on your brain; you can't expect to get everything back right away. All of this takes time. I know by nature that you are impatient, but you really need to show some right now. If you push yourself, you may cause more damage," Noah said and then got up. He put his dishes in the sink and went into his office.

"You didn't answer my question," Luke said out loud to no one. He took a sip from his coffee and decided to get the information on his own.

* * *

That was a week ago and he trying to find the right time to get back into that box. If Noah wasn't going to help him, then he would do it himself. He told Noah that he had a therapy session today when really it was tomorrow. If Noah came home he would tell him that it was cancelled, he was sure he could pull off that lie.

Luke first took out the albums that were in the box. There was the vacation album. It looked like there were about four different vacations in this one book. There were dividers between each separate vacation. This first set was in California, they of course had a shot of them in front of the Hollywood sign. There were pictures of them on a beach in swim trunks and on surfboards.

_I can surf._

Another vacation of them in Paris. He finally got to go to Paris. They were at the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre, and at a café eating dinner. Luke's heart tugged slightly; he went to Paris and all he got was some pictures.

The next set of snapshots was of a camping trip. It looked like they were in a National Park, one with mountains. There were pictures of Noah sleeping in a tent, of Luke fishing, and one of the them both in front of a waterfall.

The last set looked more important. Luke noticed right away that there was something different about this set. They were wearing wedding rings. All of pictures were in a tropical climate with palm trees and flowered leis. They went to Hawaii on their honeymoon. Luke could see the smile on their faces. They looked so happy and in love. Luke slowly looked through these pictures. Most of them looked like first day pics; they both had rather pale skin. Luke was guessing that they got sight-seeing out of the way on the first couple days and then spent the rest of the time doing something else.

Luke had a sick feeling in his stomach. He knew that he was going to get uncomfortable looking at these pictures, but he needed to push past the uneasiness and keep going. He put the vacation album aside and decided he was going to wait to look at the wedding album. He didn't think he was ready to look at that one quite yet.

He pulled out the portable hard drive and plugged it into his laptop. He heard the little black box whirl to life and waited to access it. A small light blue window popped up in his screen and he froze.

**PLEASE ENTER PASSWORD**

Crap!

Luke then started to plug in what he thought it could be. His birthday; nope. His mom's birthday; no. His dad's, Natalie's, Faith's and Ethan's wasn' t it either. He groaned and then another window popped up.

**NEED A HINT?**

Luke clicked on the link and a single phrase appeared.

**NOAH'S NICKNAME**

Luke wanted to scream and then throw his laptop across the room. How the hell was he supposed to know that one? He dropped his head into his hands and wanted to cry. He was so close. He laced his fingers together and rested his chin. How was going to figure this out? He glanced into a box and something caught his eye. He saw a brushed sliver photo frame tucked into the far corner. Luke tugged it free and looked at it closer. It reminded him the photo he saw on his desk at Grimaldi. It was photo that someone took without Luke and Noah knowing about it. They were in the same suits that Luke recognized from the framed one in his office. They were standing alone just under the elm trees in front of Grandma Emma's house. Noah hands were resting on Luke's hips and Luke was fixing Noah's tie.

"_Are you ready for this? Us, getting married," Noah's was a little unsure. Almost as if he was making sure that Luke wasn't having second thoughts._

"_Are you kidding? I have been waiting for day this since you married Ameera. I cannot wait to be Mr. Luke Mayer. I love you so much. And lucky for you bubby the rest is just beginning,"_

"_I love you too. I cannot wait to be your husband," Noah lightly cupped Luke's cheek and… _

Luke felt his stomach swirl a bit as the short memory left as quickly as it came. Luke thought that this was too easy, but he plugged in "bubby", the password prompt disappeared, and the windows explorer screen replaced it. Luke breathed a sigh of relief and begun to search the hard drive. There was a bunch of Grimaldi and Foundation files on it. There were some stories that Luke was sure were half-finished and hadn't been touched in years. There were folders full of pictures along with music and movie files. This looked more like a storage drive than anything else. He opened one more folder and saw hundreds of files, each with different dates. Luke double clicked on the first file and a word document opened.

* * *

Noah had been working for the last few hours and decided he needed some air. He hated to be away from Luke, but a tiny part of him was glad to be out of the house for a day. He loved Luke, that was never a question, but he was glad to by himself. But as soon as that thought entered his mind, he felt awful. Luke needed him and he was glad to be away from him for the day? Noah knew that it was wrong to feel that way, but he couldn't help it. He walked into Java and hoped that a little caffeine would take away his blues. He ordered his regular and stood at the counter, surveying the place. It looked the same, the only thing that changed was a kids that came in. They seemed to get younger and younger, or maybe he was just getting too old. He felt old. These last few weeks have really aged the young director. As he stood there waiting he let his mind drift. He actually thought about it, it had been 42 days.

42 days since Luke's stroke.

42 days since he last kissed Luke.

42 days since he last made love to Luke.

As Noah waited, he started to feel sorry for himself. He turned and saw Casey, sitting in a booth sipping his coffee. He smiled, took his now ready coffee and walked over to his friend. Casey looked up when he felt someone looking at him.

"Noah. What are you doing here? Is Luke with you?" Casey asked looking behind Noah.

"What do you mean? He's has therapy today, he's suppose to be with you today,"

"No, he has therapy tomorrow,"

"Right," Noah hesitated. "I guess I got the dates mixed up. I better get back to work," Noah said blankly and turned to leave. Casey watched Noah leave and then got a sinking feeling.

He just screwed up.

Big time.

* * *

**Uh, Oh! Now Luke's done it!**

**Had a leave ya with a little bit of a cliffhanger!**

**Next time on _A Life Adrift _- The Boys share a moment.**

**Stay Tuned!**


	8. Chapter Eight

**This chapter is a bit shorter than the previous ones.**

**I wanted it to be just a smiple moment between Luke and Noah.**

**

* * *

**

Chapter Eight

"Come on Luke, pick up," Casey mumbles to himself. As soon as Noah left Java Casey was on his cell, trying to call his best friend. What was Luke thinking? He used to be more careful than this. They use to lie together much better than this. Casey even laughed at the thought of it.

"Hello?" Luke answered the phone, a little leery to do so.

"Hey, it's Casey. Noah knows," Casey said quickly.

"What are you talking about?" Luke asked as worry and dread settled into his chest.

"Noah knows that you don't have therapy today,"

"How did you?"

"I was in Java when he came in and asked about your therapy today. Luke, if you were going to lie, you should have told me,"

"I am so sorry Casey. I didn't mean to drag you into this," Luke insisted and hoped he believed him.

"What are you doing anyway?" Casey asked and then walked out into the late spring day.

"Nothing," Luke responded as he continued to flip through the documents on the hard drive.

"Luke," Casey knew him far too well. He knew that he was not being truthful.

"Nothing. I just wanted to be alone," Luke gave up, which wasn't completely untrue.

"Ok. Are we still on for therapy tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Thanks Casey,"

"Anytime man," Casey assured Luke and put his phone away. He felt a feeling of dread come over him after he hung up. Luke's recovery was going to take a toll on his and Noah's marriage; he just prayed they were strong enough to survive it.

* * *

Luke was in panic mode. Was Noah on his way home? What would he do when he got here? Luke knew that Noah wasn't violent, but he also didn't want to fight. He decided to play it safe. He closed up what he was working on and put it all away. Noah had been pretty evasive about their life together and Luke wanted more info before he confronted him.

Luke was coming out of the kitchen when Noah came in. Luke was right to stop snooping; he had gotten off the phone with Casey only 15 minutes ago.

"Hey,"

"Hey. What are you doing home already?" Luke asked. Praying that he didn't sound too obvious as he fidgeted with his bottle of water.

"Got done early,"

"How was work?"

"The same. Kim and Katie had creative differences today and I got to be referee," Noah relayed as he took of his jacket and hung it near the front door.

"Really. That must have been interesting. I have a feeling that neither one would pull punches,"

"Yeah. What did you do today?" Noah asked while looking around the living room. Noah was fishing; Luke didn't entirely trust him yet and Noah wondered if he would tell him at all.

"It's ok Noah. Casey called me. I'm sorry I lied to you," Luke found himself confessing.

"Why did you?" Noah was angry, but he was not going to let Luke see that. He needed to keep calm, if he could. Luke sat down on the couch and gestured for Noah to join him. He eased himself down and let out a long breath. He was going to let Luke talk and try not to hear him out first. They were just short of actually touching, but being this close to him had turned Noah's senses up a notch or two. He was suddenly very aware of everything that was Luke; the heat from his body, the smell of his shampoo, his warm breath as he let out a sigh.

"I just…I just needed to be alone. I'm feeling a little suffocated lately. Not that that is your fault. I know you are worried about me and I really appreciate that, but I just wanted to take a little time for myself. Can you understand that?" Noah nodded, he could relate to Luke's point of view completely. He had been feeling the same way just a half-hour ago. He suddenly felt like he was a little less alone.

"I'm sorry that you've felt that way. It's just, I wasn't there when you had your stroke. And those two weeks that you were unconscious…it killed me. I was so terrified," Noah stopped mid-thought. He could feel his composure slipping away. He couldn't let himself cry, not now. He wrung his hands tightly together; trying to stop them from shaking.

"Terrified of what?" Luke asked softly, almost in a whisper. Luke moved closer to him.

"That I was going to lose you," Noah confessed and bit back the tears that wanted to come. Luke could see that Noah was getting upset. Luke slowly reached out and wrapped his arm around Noah's shoulders. Noah didn't even realize what was happening until he was in Luke's arms; Luke's chin resting on Noah's shoulder. Noah could feel his adrenaline spike and heart beat faster. This was the most intimate they had been in over a month. He wrapped his arms around Luke's middle, bringing their bodies closer together. Noah had to fight every urge and nerve in his body to keep from going further, but there was one that he couldn't not do. He put his mouth to Luke's ear and whispered ever so softly, "I love you Luke,"

"Thank you," was all Luke could think to say back. He knew that he couldn't say I love you back, but he didn't want to say nothing back. Noah deserved that at least.

They slowly released each other and Noah took a long cleansing breath; hoping his heart beat would return to normal.

"So, are you ready for dinner at your mom's?"

"I think so. The kids are going to be scary to see,"

"Why?"

"The last time I remember them the girls were pre-teens and Ethan was in diapers. What if I say something wrong?"

"They love you and they know what happened. Trust me, they're just as nervous," Noah said and gave Luke a small nudge with his leg. Luke looked at him and saw nothing but kindness looking back at through crystal blue eyes. Whenever he looked at Noah, he felt an odd sort of calm come over him. He couldn't quite place it, but it was reassuring to feel something for his own husband.

"I'm ah, I'm going to go shower and change then we can head over. That sounds ok?"

"Yeah, that sounds good. I think I will too,"

Luke stepped into his room and shut the door. He felt an ease wash over him. Noah was being so great about everything. That was being erased by the guilt Luke was beginning to feel after digging through the box in the office. But there was also a part of him that felt Noah was hiding something. He would keep looking, but also have a little bit of patience for Noah. Luke knew that he was trying.

* * *

Luke was changed and stepped into the hallway. The door to Noah's bedroom was open and not thinking anything of it, Luke stepped through doorway just as Noah came out of his bathroom. He was zipping up his jeans and Luke had to stop; Noah was not wearing a shirt. Noah would have what some would call a swimmer's build. Long torso, wide shoulders, and lanky arms.

And the man had abs for days!

Water from his shower was dripping from his hair, falling down his chest and stomach. Noah's skin was a flawless porcelain color, like Grandma Emma's egg nog, and looked soft to the touch and suddenly Luke wanted to. Noah stepped behind his open closet door and Luke was glad; his face had turned four shades of red in a matter of milliseconds. Luke finally came back to reality when Noah came out pulling on a green polo shirt. Luke slipped back into the hall and leaned heavily against the wall. His heart may not want Noah in the biblical sense, but his body definitely did. Luke's pulse was erratic, his skin was hot and sweat was making his shirt stick to his back.

"Luke?" Noah called out as he did up his belt. Luke's head shot up quick when he heard Noah's voice.

"Yeah?" He called back.

"Are you almost ready?"

"Ah, yeah. Almost," he shook himself trying to calm his senses down. He straightened up just as Noah stepped into the hall.

Noah was equally appreciative of Luke's attire. He was wearing dark distressed jeans with a grey Henley on top of white shirt. The shirt cut low enough in front to show off just a bit of Luke's golden chest hair. Noah had to swallow the lump in his throat. He couldn't help but remember what Luke looked like without a shirt.

"You look nice," Noah said and realized how awkward he sounded.

"You do too," Luke answered; he felt just as awkward as Noah did. They were acting like they were on a first date, neither one knowing what to do or say next.

"Ready?" Noah asked and Luke nodded.

They walked downstairs and out to Luke's car. After they were inside, Luke could feel the dread come over him. They were his family and they loved him conditionally, but he forgotten so much.

Would he still fit in?

* * *

**Well, how you liking it? **

**No matter what you think about Jake or Noah, the man is hot on the rocks!**

**Next time on _A Life Adrift _- Luke and Noah have dinner at the Farm and Reid makes an appearance.**

**Stay Tuned!**


	9. Chapter Nine

**Well, five chapters and counting!**

**I hope you guys are still liking the ride!**

**I had fun writing this chapter!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Nine**

Noah made side glances at Luke on the drive to the farm. He was nervous; Noah could decipher Luke's body language, he was fluent in 'Luke'. He was biting on his lower lip; he was fidgeting with his fingers; picking slightly at his nails. On reflex Noah reached over and put his hand over Luke's fidgeting ones. Luke tensed slightly on instinct, but relaxed quickly.

"Everything's going to be ok," Noah said in a light voice as he turned down the driveway.

"I know, but I don't want to make everyone uncomfortable," Luke said as he looked at his and Noah's hands as they rested in his lap.

"You could never do that," Noah parked the car and turned to face his husband. "They love you so much that you could never make them uncomfortable. And they are so happy that you're well and getting better. I know for a fact that each one of them is so excited to see you," Noah squeezed Luke's hand to accentuate his point. Luke looked up from their clasped hands and at Noah. Luke was greeted with a shining smile that he couldn't help but return.

"Each one of? How many people are gonna be here?" Luke asked and then looked towards the house.

"Your mom, dad, and the kids. Jack was going bring Sage and Parker. Meg should be there with Eliza. Katie was going to bring Jacob and of course Lucinda and Emma,"

"Who are Jacob and Eliza?"

"Oh, ah. Jacob is Katie and Brad's son. Eliza is Meg's daughter with Paul,"

"Ok," Luke said and then got out of the car. Noah followed suit and stepped to Luke's side of the car. "You're gonna be around right?" Luke's voice was teetering between nervous and scared as he wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans.

"I promise," Noah assured Luke and slipped his hand into Luke's hand. Luke quickly latched on and the two of them walked up to the house. They could hear at least a dozen voices overlapping and interacting with each other. As excited as Luke was, he had a nagging doubt eating away at his stomach. How much had everyone changed from what he knows and how things are now? This was going to be an ordeal he just knew it.

* * *

The two men walked into the porch and Luke peeked into the kitchen window. He could see all of his family sitting and standing around the kitchen. They all looked the same. There were a few faces that he didn't quite recognize, but he knew that he needed to do this. He needed to face the fear that was bubbling up in his stomach. He wasn't going to remember anything if he hid away at home.

"Are you ok?" Noah asked in a quiet voice.

"Yeah, sure,"

"Here, hang on a minute," Noah said as he pulled his hand out of Luke's. "Stay here," Noah stepped inside and Luke observed his family's reaction to Noah's entrance. Emma was first to hug him, Noah smiled at the shorter woman and smiled true affection at her. She kissed his cheek and Noah's face flushed. Luke thought he looked adorable.

Noah walked up to Lily and whispered in her ear. She looked in the direction of porch and saw Luke lingering outside, looking through the window. Lily reached out behind her and touched her husband's arm. As if they could read each other's minds, Holden nodded and they followed Noah out on to the porch. Luke wiped his sweaty hands on his thighs and stepped away from the window. Lily walked through the screen door and right up to her son. Without saying a word, she wrapped her arms around him and held him close. No matter how old Luke was, Lily always managed to calm her oldest child with a simple caress. Luke melted into her and felt his anxieties break away.

"How are you?" She asked softly in his ear.

"I'm feeling fine, but I'm a little nervous,"

"No one is expecting anything Luke," Holden said trying to reassure his son. "Everyone is just so glad that you are doing better,"

"Yeah," Luke paused, feeling awkward. "Well, I smell Grandma Emma's sweet potatoes and I'm hungry," Luke said in an attempt to pull attention away from himself. Lily took Luke's hand and all four of them entered the house.

* * *

The first person to see Luke was his grandmother. The smile on Lucinda's face was the brightest one that Noah had ever seen. Even brighter than on his and Luke's wedding day. She crossed the kitchen in a few steps and captured Luke in a hug. Emma was quick to follow along with Faith and Jack. Natalie and Ethan were hesitant to approach Luke, especially Ethan. Lily and Holden took great pains to explain to their youngest that his big brother had gotten sick and forgot some things. They also insisted that it was no one's fault and that Luke still loved him very much.

Ethan still wasn't sure that he was buying it. He was nine not stupid. If Luke thought he was 18 years old, then that meant that he did not remember Ethan at all, he remembered baby Ethan. He was really upset about that when his parents told him that Luke didn't remember him at all, until he talked to Noah. Noah told Ethan that Luke didn't remember him either. He asked Ethan if he still loved his older brother. Ethan insisted that he did, Noah said that was enough. They just had to give Luke's brain time to heal and he would remember everything again. Noah even promised on it.

* * *

Instead of the traditional sit down dinner that Emma preferred, she agreed to have an outside buffet. With the traffic coming and going from the farm, she thought that it would be easier. She also thought that it might be less overwhelming for Luke.

Emma had gone out all out for the family barbeque. There was ham, turkey, hot dogs (grilled to perfection by Holden), burgers (grilled equally perfect by Jack), four different kinds of pasta salad, three different varieties of fruit salad, sweet potatoes, potato salad, and assorted chips, dips and veggies. There was enough food to feed half of the town. Luke just prayed that half of town didn't come. Emma Snyder's barbeques were about as famous as her cooking. No one ever left hungry or unhappy from a Snyder party. Just the hint of a party would bring the people coming.

He looked across the yard at the assembled party and couldn't help but feel a bit lost. There were children that he didn't know or knew them as infants. All of the relatives he did know had aged and he realized just how much he had lost. Time. The only thing that everyone in the world has in a limited supply of and he's lost seven years of memories of all of the wonderful people here. It was one thing to be with Noah in their house and not remember everything, but it was something completely different to look around and see it written on the faces of his family and friends. Luke watched while Noah chatted with Holden and Jack. He had gone to get something to drink; he asked Luke twice if he needed anything, but he insisted that he was fine. Noah looked so at ease with his family. It was nice to see that Noah had been welcomed with open arms. It was so easy for Luke to take comfort in that. He was glad that his family had approved of his husband.

Luke sat alone on one of the family picnic tables and watched everyone. He had a sense of peace in that not everything had changed. That even after all of these years later, the family still assembled at the Snyder farm to celebrate and that grandma Emma's cooking was still the best in the state of Illinois. Luke still wondered how he fit into the lives of his family now. There was so much he didn't know, he didn't know them. They had all grown up and moved on with their lives while Luke had taken seven huge steps back. It was all starting to get a bit overwhelming; he was afraid of this.

He quietly got up and wondered down to Snyder Pond. The kids would eventually make their way down here after the watermelon and pies ran low, but for now it was just him and the water. He could remember all the times he sat down here when he needed to think. He could remember the hours upon hundreds of hours he spend down here drinking and trying to come to terms with him being gay. Luke made his way down to the bench at the end of the dock. He was still having trouble walking but his dexterity was improving all the time. He eased his body down on to the bench and let out a sigh.

It was true that he had had moments of calmness in the past month but sitting in this spot, listening to the water lap at the bottom of the dock, he felt his body turn to jelly. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He could hear the kids laughing up at the house and barn. He could smell the remnants of the grilling. He could feel the weathered wood bench under his hands. All of these things he remembered. All of these things were from his childhood, things that he could hang on to. With both hands if he had to.

"You're not hiding from your own party are you?" Luke heard a man ask behind him. He opened his eyes and craned his head back. There stood Dr. Reid Oliver. He was carrying a plate and kept walking down the dock to Luke. Luke sat up quickly and straightened his shirt.

"I'm not hiding. It's just getting to be a little too much up there. I needed a bit of air, that's all,"

"I didn't say anything. Care if I sit?"

"No, of course not," Luke said and slid over to give the doctor more room. Reid sat down and Luke saw what he was carrying. Two pieces of strawberry rhubarb pie and two forks. Luke smiled to himself and took the fork that Reid offered. They ate in relative silence, but it was Reid who spoke first.

"So, what are you doing here, really?" Reid asked with a mouthful of Emma's legendary pie.

"I told you. What are doing here?"

"Katie asked me to come. I am not really big on…people," Reid confessed and got a genuine laugh out of Luke. Reid had heard his laugh during the first two weeks he was in the hospital, but since then those laughs have been few and far between. Luke struck Reid as the kind of guy who could change anyone's mood with a laugh or smile.

"That's not a revelation, trust me," Luke said cheekily. Reid couldn't help but smile at the young blonde. Luke liked to see Reid smile. It felt like he had accomplished something when he did it. He was always trying to get him to smile or laugh. He didn't do either one much, so it was an event when he did.

"Anyway, she told me that there would be food and what can I say, there was never a food I didn't like,"

Luke smiled as he finished his pie and enjoyed the relative silence from his companion. He was so glad to not have someone trying to get him to talk about what he was feeling. God knows he didn't know what he was feeling half the time. He knew that he should talk about everything, but sometimes he just didn't want to talk about anything.

"I don't feel like any of this is my choice," Luke blurted out. As much as he was trying to tell himself that he just wanted quiet, he realized he couldn't sit and not talk. "All of this was that other guy's choices and I am just expected to just go along with all of it. Look at me, I'm 26 years old and I feel completely lost. I just wish…,"

"What do you wish Luke?" Reid asked and turned to face his bench companion. He knew that if he was still long enough, Luke would open up on his own.

"I wish I could remember. More than **_anything_**,"

"Maybe you're thinking about this the wrong way,"

"How do you mean?" Luke said as a smile crept across his face.

"Well, think of it as a do-over. You can do whatever you want. Be anything you want. Make any decision you want. There are a lot of people who would give anything to be able to say that,"

"Yeah, I guess. Wait," Luke's brow furrowed and looked over Reid. "Are you actually looking on the bright side of my condition? I dare say, Dr. Oliver, you are looking for the silver lining," Luke said in teasing shock. Reid laughed out right. The two men laughed at Luke's joke and felt their connection tighten a bit more.

"CANNONBALL!" They heard screamed just before Parker jumped off the dock and into the water. Both men jumped to their feet as the cool pond water splashed all over them.

"Damn it Parker!" Luke explained as he shook off the water. Both men looked up the dock and the surrounding beach to see the kids tearing down the grass into the water.

"Looks like we've been invaded. Shall we?" Reid asked, gesturing towards the house. Luke agreed and they started to walk towards the house, making their way up the dock. As Luke stepped off the dock and onto the grass, the still evident weakness on his left side made his egress difficult. He faltered and lost his balance. On instinct, Reid reached out and caught Luke around the waist to keep him upright. Reid felt his pulse and temperature spike as his hand slipped under Luke's shirt. His fingers touching the warm skin on Luke's side.

"Thanks, I guess I'm getting tired," Luke said as he turned to face Reid. Both men stared at each other for another moment before Luke straightened up. They stepped apart slightly and turned to walk up the hill. But Luke stopped when he saw Noah standing there wearing a rather hurt look on his face. Luke was about to say something when he saw a charging Casey grab Noah and continue charging straight towards the water. Both men hit the water and sunk under the surface.

Luke laughed hard at the sight of Noah and Casey coming out of the water. He would soon become Dr. Casey Hughes and he was still the crazy friend that he remembered. Reid watched Luke laugh and got lost in the vision of him. When he was utterly happy, like now, it was like a light had been turned on inside him. He had a glow.

"Casey! I'm gonna kill you!" Noah yelled and dove at his friend.

"You gotta catch me first dude!" Casey said as he swam out further. Noah shook his head and started to trudge towards dry land. He stepped onto the beach and pulled his soaked through shirt off. Luke looked at Noah's wet hair, stuck to his forehead, and water cascading down his body. His head swirled slightly.

_"That was awesome! Who needs AC when you have your own pond?"_

_"Yeah, but it makes me really hungry. But luckily my grandmother keeps this fridge stocked. Look, look, secret recipe chicken wings, very good. Three Bean salad, corn, fresh tomatoes, honeydew melon, what looks good?"_

_"All of it. Hey dude, you're making a flood in here," Noah joked and threw a beach towel at Luke._

_"Ah come one that doesn't matter," Luke answered and threw the towel back at the tall brunette._

_"Oh yeah," Noah joked and then whipped Luke with the towel. Shocked by the jolt to his hip, Luke spun around quickly before Noah could do it again. Grabbing hold of the towel mid-whip, they fought for its possession. Luke gave one large pull and Noah came with it. Knocking both of them into the kitchen's island, Luke even felt the large butcher block move against the wooden floor._

_This was exactly what Luke had been dreaming about. Noah against him like this; not friendly, very much more than friendly. Luke could feel Noah warm skin against his, Noah's breaths on his face. The confusion and lust in Noah's eyes had Luke feeling the exact same way. He wanted to kiss Noah so much, but the sound of the screen door slamming pulled Noah away from him._

Much like the slam of the same door brought Luke back from his flash. Reid saw Luke shake his head and stagger on his feet. Noah also saw and quickly ran to be next to him.

"Luke? Are you all right?" Reid asked as Noah joined them.

"Yeah, just a bit dizzy. I think I'm just really tired,"

"Why don't I take you home then?" Noah asked. He ran his hand through Luke's hair and rested his palm at the nape of his neck. Luke nodded and both men walked toward the house.

Reid watched Luke's retreating form and realized that he was in big trouble. He let out a long breath as the realization settled in his chest.

* * *

**Well, still liking it?**

**Four chapters and counting!**

**Next time on _A Life Adrift_ - Noah finally open up and Luke watches a home movie.**

**Stay Tuned!**


	10. Chapter Ten

**Well, four chapters and then done!**

**Hope you guys are still on this ride with me!**

**This chapter was really fun to write!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Ten**

Noah helped Luke out of car and into the house. Luke dropped his tired body onto the couch while Noah went to get all of Luke's medications. He had several pills to take for his kidney transplant and the meds that he still had to take from his surgery and stroke. As Luke begun to take all of his different colored pills, Noah stood back and watched him. He looked so tired and Noah hated to admit it, put Luke looked sad. It killed Noah to see him like this. He ducked into the laundry room and changed into a t-shirt and a pair of sleep pants. It felt good to be in something dry. Noah walked back into the living room and Luke was sitting with his head reclined against the back of couch.

"Luke, besides the obvious, are you ok? I mean, you tell me anything," Noah insisted, fearing the answer he'd get. He knew that he should be telling Luke more about his past, but he was just trying to protect Luke. He wasn't able to protect when all of this happened, so he was trying to make up for it now.

"Are you telling me everything? What are you hiding from me?" Luke asked what had been on his mind for weeks. Noah felt a rush of panic flood his system. He knew that this day would come, but he hoped that it wouldn't.

"What makes you think that I'm keeping things from you?" Noah asked and tried to hide the stammer in his voice. Luke sat up and looked at his husband.

"You haven't given me any specifics. Nothing that would make sense. I ask you a question and you give me vague answers. Anyone who was there would have all of those answers. So I'll ask you again, what are you hiding from me?" He asked, tying not to sound like he was demanding anything. Luke needed to know. He was keeping things back from Noah too. He had remembered things about his life with Noah. There was the cookie jar, Noah yelling at him and then slamming the door, a game of tug of war that got intense, none of these told Luke who he was. Sure they were hope, but not much more than that.

"Luke, I swear that I am not hiding anything from you. I'm trying to protect you,"

"From what?"

"Everything! We haven't had the smoothest relationship. And some of what happened to us is pretty hard to take and really hard to believe,"

"Like what? Noah, I have to find these things out. I hate just waiting. I feel like I'm treading water," Luke was getting angry and he was starting to beg Noah for answers. "I'm not made of glass, please Noah,"

Noah looked to his husband, looking so small and tired as he sat on their couch. You knew that this was going to come, but he hoped that Luke would have given himself more time to remember things on his own. He was being selfish, but he didn't want to be the one to break all of this to him. He let out a shaky breath and sat down in the chair next to the couch. He wanted to give Luke some space. He had to break some hard news to him. Noah pushed his shaking hands together and took a deep breath.

"What do you want to know?" Noah felt like he was on the edge of a cliff, barely hanging on by his nails

"What did your dad do that was so bad?" Luke asked and Noah had to so a double take. He wasn't fooling around.

"Well, when I moved here I was still in the closet. My dad never said anything, but I think he always knew that I was gay. He thought that joining the Army would make a man out of me. He came to visit me, right after I moved here, and I was dating a girl, Maddie," there was one thing he didn't want to admit.

"Maddie Coleman, Maddie?"

"Yeah. I was still in denial. He was so glad to find out that I was dating a girl that he didn't care that I wasn't going to go into the Army like he did. He was all for me staying in Oakdale, until he met you,"

"Why? What I do?" Luke was on the edge of his seat. It was a weird hearing about his own life in the third person.

"He saw you as an interloper; you were interfering in something that was making me into the son he always wanted. I think he thought you were the "wrong element" for me. You would take me away from where he thought I should be,"

"I would lure you to the dark side?" Luke asked and they shared a light laugh.

"Yeah, basically, plus you never bowed down to him. That alone was amazing to me. You dished as good as you got. Whenever you two were around each other, you could feel the tension in the air. But that changed when I came out to him finally. At least I thought it did,"

"How do you mean?"

"He sort of walked in on us kissing,"

"What? What a way to find out. Where were we?"

"In one of the offices at WOAK. I thought that he had left town and I was relieved because I could be with you and tell you how I was feeling without worrying about him. I got caught up and we started kissing then he walked in," Noah relayed and a pink tinge came to his cheeks. The memory of his dad walking in him making out with another guy was a bit embarrassing. It was like he was 18 again.

"I suppose he didn't take that very well?"

"No, that's an understatement. He completely freaked out. Screamed at me that I was a disgrace and I wasn't the son that he raised. But you stood up for me. Told him that I was that son, which made him madder,"

"I said that?" Luke was surprised to hear that he was so bold with Noah's dad.

"Yeah, I was so proud of you, but I was too afraid of my dad to say anything. He walked out and you asked me 'I bet you're sorry you ever met me?'" Noah relayed while he relived one of his best memories.

"What did you say?" Luke asked and Noah leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees.

"That I didn't regret kissing you and that it was the best thing to happen to me in a long time. I still feel that way," he answered in a soft voice. He and Luke locked eyes for a minute and they looked straight into each other. Noah could feel his body getting warmer. He was so close to giving Luke a physical demonstration to go with the story, but he knew that would make things so so worse. He also knew that if he told Luke that the Colonel tried to kill him during a camping trip, that Luke would probably freak out. "I think that may be enough for tonight," Noah suggested and sat back in the chair.

"Yeah, I'm really tired. Thank you Noah, for talking to me. Makes me feel, a little less alone," Luke let out and Noah felt his heart bleed for him. Even the thought that Noah made Luke feel uncomfortable or hurt, made Noah feel even worse for keeping his mouth shut for so long.

"I'm sorry if I made you feel that way. I never meant to…,"

"I know," Luke said quickly and a silence spread out between them.

"Do you need help getting upstairs?" Noah asked as he stood up.

"Help off the couch would be great," Luke said and reached out to Noah. Noah swallowed and slipped his hands into Luke's to pull him to his feet. Luke staggered slightly as he rose and Noah reached out to keep him from falling. His arm went around Luke's back while his other hand caught him at the hip. Luke leaned into him for a moment while he got his footing back. They stood for another moment, just looking at each other.

Luke got that feeling, that same feeling he got whenever he was close to Noah. It was like a warm swell that started in his stomach. Each time he felt it; it got stronger and would spread a bit farther. Now he could feel it go down his arms and to the tips of his fingers. Those fingertips that were now brushing against the warm skin that stretched across Noah collarbone. Luke felt his breath catch just before he stepped back.

"Thanks. Goodnight, Noah," Luke said almost bashfully and then made his way upstairs. Noah's eyes followed him as he walked across the room and up the flight of stairs. Noah could feel his heart being pulled towards Luke. He knew that he left out some points, but he needed to be sure that Luke didn't push it too fast. He was still getting over surgery and serious stroke. Luke's health had to overrule his need to know what he had forgotten.

* * *

Luke sat in bed; unable to sleep again. He was so glad the Noah had finally broke down and told him some things about their past together. He was starting to feel a little better about his new life, but he was a long way from where he used to be. Luke kept thinking about that hard drive and the documents he was reading. He had stumbled on his own journal entries. There was nothing groundbreaking in them. It was mostly about his crazy family and things with work, but he was devouring as many as he could before Noah came home. He looked at his bedside clock and it read 12:37am. He kicked the comforter off and stepped down onto the floor. He wanted to get back into that box. He needed to look at the DVD's and more of the files on that hard drive. He slowly opened his door and stepped into the hallway. He waited a beat to listen to the house. All was quiet; he didn't hear Noah moving anywhere in the house.

Luke walked through the living room and could see why he and Noah bought the house. He could see why they had decorated it the way they did. He could see himself living here. As soon as he processed that thought, he felt even sadder that he didn't remember his life here. He pushed his sadness back and made his way into the office. He reached under desk and pulled the box out. He grabbed the one DVD that he was wondering about.

**_Luke and Noah Mayer's Wedding_**

**_September 4th, 2010_**

Luke sat in the living room as the DVD started. Knowing that Noah was a director by trade, their wedding video would be pretty impressive. The video started with light piano music and the screen faded in with white type across a black screen.

* * *

_Snyder Farm, September 4th, 2010_

The video then faded to a hallway; it was the hallway on the farm. Luke could make out Natalie and Faith's door, his parents, and Aaron's down the hall. The camera view moved to Luke's door; a hand came into view and pushed the door open. Luke was lying in bed; he was still asleep. He was on his back with an arm draped over his eyes. Light snores floated through the air as the cameraman moved closer. The cameraman's light snickers could be heard over Luke's snoring.

"Lu-ke," said the operator in a sing-song voice. "Time to get up sunshine. It's morning in the swamp," a groan came from Luke in protest. The cameraman pulled on Luke's comforter and the blonde recoiled further into his pillows as the sudden blast of cool air hit his body.

"I'm sleeping," Luke whined and buried his head under his pillows.

"But Luke, come on. It's almost one o'clock, time to get up," said the other man's voice. Luke's eyes shot open and he bolted upright.

"It's one! The wedding is at two! Why didn't anyone wake me?" the camera zoomed in on Luke's still sleepy face and hair sticking up in every possible direction.

"Oh! Did I say one? I meant it's nine in the morning, but since you're awake,"

"Aaron! I'm going to kill you!" Luke screamed and dove at his older brother. Aaron kept the camera on him and caught it all.

"What? Someone had to get you up. Now get up, grandma has pancakes and sausages ready for you,"

Aaron backed out of the room and Luke's curses could be heard as the door closed. Aaron continued down the hall until he turned the camera towards himself. Luke smiled when he saw Aaron's face came on screen.

"That was my baby brother Luke. Delightful isn't he? Noah, I wish you all the luck in the world. Cause you are gonna need it," Luke laughed at his brother's teasing and the screen faded to black again. The same white script came across the screen.

_Mayer Residence, September 4th, 2010_

The camera moved through the house, stopping to zoom in on pictures of them hanging in the living room, and then went upstairs. The operator turned into the master bedroom from the hall. The bed was empty; in fact it was already made. There was the faint sound of someone talking coming from the bathroom. The camera followed the sound of the voice and the door was slowly pushed open. Noah's back was to the door and he was talking to himself while looking into the mirror.

"You know, Noah," Noah jumped and turned towards the voice, "talking to yourself is a symptom of schizophrenia," the camera zoomed in on Noah's face, his cheeks were flushed pink.

"Thanks Casey, I can always count on you to make me feel better,"

"Anytime man. What are you doing?"

"I'm practicing my vows," he said and stepped around Casey to go into his bedroom.

"What do you need to practice? _'Do you take this man to be your husband? I do.'_ How hard is that?"

"Luke and I decided to write our own vows," Noah was standing by his closet door. He was pulling out a garment bag and then draped it across the bed. He unzipped the bag and started to pull out his suit. "I just want it be perfect, you know,"

"Noah, you're marrying the man of your dreams. How much _**more**_ perfect do you need?" Casey asked, making sure to keep the camera on him. Noah's face lit up completely; he had never seen his face light up quite like that before.

"You're right. I am. But after everything we've been through. I just, I just want to tell him that, you know. I want to wow him,"

"No, I do get it man. But you gotta hurry up. We're meeting Maddie at Al's for breakfast,"

"Right. I'll meet you downstairs in a few minutes,"

"You sure you don't want to amp up the sexy?" Casey asked and begun to mimic a sixties porn soundtrack, "Bow, chicka, bow, bow," Noah couldn't help but laugh through his annoyance.

"Casey! This is my wedding video! Get out of here!" He yelled still laughing.

Casey ducked into the hall just in time to miss a pillow thrown from the bed. He laughed and the camera cut to the Snyder kitchen.

Someone else was working the camera this time. On the screen, it was easy to see Aaron, Faith, Natalie, Jack, Emma, Lily, Lucinda, Jack, Carly and Parker in the kitchen. The camera didn't show Holden, so he must have been the man behind the camera. The door to the stairway opened up and Luke came into the doorway. He jolted slightly when he saw everyone and turned to go back up.

"Oh, no you don't!" Jack called out and grabbed Luke before he could get away. "This, my young cousin, is your farewell breakfast," he slipped his arm around Luke's shoulders.

"Farewell? You make it sound like I'm about to be sent to my execution,"

"Well,"

"Watch what you say there Jack," Carly voice could be heard behind the camera. Laughs filled the room, but Jack was undeterred.

"What I was trying to say, before I was interrupted, was," he turned to face Luke, "in a mere five hours you will no longer be a Snyder, but a Mayer. As much as we hate to lose one of our own, and I will speak for all of us here, we could not be happier for you and Noah. It's about time you two finally got this all straightened out,"

"Thank you Jack. And thanks to all of you. For being here for me and putting up with me, through all the ups and downs that Noah and I went through. I love you all, but out of the way! I want some pancakes!"

The screen then switched to Noah walking into Al's and being greeted by Maddie, Alison, Dusty, Jade, Henry, and Hunter already sitting around the large grouping of tables in the middle of the restaurant. It was easy to see that Noah was shocked to see that many people there for him.

"Wow! I am so glad that all of you guys are here," Noah said as Maddie wrapped her arms around Noah's waist. Noah hugged her back and Casey handed the camera off to Hunter.

"Noah, I for one is also glad to be here, to celebrate your wedding to Luke," Casey started and everyone grew quiet. "After witnessing all of the crap that you two have had deal with, I'll be honest, I wasn't sure that this day would come," the assembled party begun to protest. "But, I am glad that I was wrong,"

"Wouldn't be the first time," Jade and Maddie said at the same time.

"I just know, that if you two got through all of that other crap, there is nothing that you two cannot do, if you are together," collective ah's echoed through the place. "To Luke and Noah,"

"To Luke and Noah," the crowd seconded and glasses were raised.

* * *

Luke felt his entire body getting mushy, like when he watches a romantic movie. He also felt that same tug of sadness that he felt when he tried to remember. That no matter what he did or how hard he tried, he just couldn't.

He stopped the DVD and stood up in the dark living room. He looked around the foreign house. He didn't belong here and the longer he stayed here the more concrete that thought felt. He had finally come to the decision that he didn't want to.

* * *

**A little mushy for you guys?**

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**Ten down, three to go!**

**Next time on _A Life Adrift_ - Luke makes a hard choice.**

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	11. Chapter Eleven

**Only three left - and this chapter is angst heavy.**

**You probably won't need an kleenix, but it maybe a good idea!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter Eleven**

Noah woke the next morning feeling a bit relieved. He and Luke talked last night. Sure, it wasn't like how they use to, but it was talking none the less. He knew that Luke was going to have more questions and there was going to have to face them. He changed into jeans and a t-shirt and padded to the stairs in his bare feet. Noah came downstairs and found Luke sitting in the living room. He looked completely exhausted. Noah crossed the short distance between him and Luke.

"Luke? Are you ok? You look like you haven't slept?"

"I didn't. Look, I need to talk to you," Luke said in a defeated voice. Noah could feel panic creeping over his back. He had a feeling that this was not going to be good.

"O-k. What's wrong?" He asked and shoved his hands into his pockets, just like he used to when he was uncomfortable when they were kids.

"I have been looking through the box. The one in the office. I ah, found the hard drive too," Luke confessed. Noah clenched his jaw tight. He was angry right at the start. He knew that it was unreasonable to feel that way. Those things did belong to Luke and he had every right to look through them, but to sneak behind his back. That's what upset him.

"Why didn't you just come to me?" Noah asked through a tight jaw. He crossed his arms over his chest.

"I did! Many times! You weren't giving me anything. I needed to get some answers another way,"

Luke looked at Noah and felt…nothing. Well, not nothing, but he knew he wasn't feeling what he should. What he use to. He wanted to. He really, really did. It would be so much easier if he did. He knew that he was happy before and he wanted that. He wanted to look at Noah and get that surge of happiness that he saw on his dad's face whenever he looked at his mom. He wanted nothing more than to love Noah and to be in love with him. But he just couldn't and he couldn't do this to Noah.

"I think it would be for the best if I moved back home," Luke said and he could see something wash over Noah's eyes. Luke could have sworn it looked like panic.

"What? Why?" Noah's heart was racing. He could feel his entire body start to shake.

"Because I can't stay here anymore. I don't belong here,"

"Yes, you do. You belong in our house, with me," Noah's voice caught in his chest. He fought the urge to grab Luke by the arms and hold him. He wanted to keep Luke right here.

"But it's not my house. It's **_his_** house,"

"I don't understand. What are you talking about?" Noah was not thinking rationally right now. He was so scared that Luke was talking about leaving that he wasn't really listening to him.

"I am not **_that_ **Luke. I'm **_this_** one. I wake up every day and I see the look on your face. You look at me and I see you hoping that today's the day. Today everything is going to come flooding back and when it doesn't I have to see the hurt on your face. I am hurting you every day and that kills me. I don't want to hurt you anymore,"

"And leaving me is not going to hurt me?"

"I'm sorry Noah," Luke turned to go upstairs. He had a bag packed, he left it upstairs. He didn't want to rub it in that he was going. Noah watched him retreat upstairs; he had to think of something. He just couldn't let Luke walk out. Walk out on them. Luke appeared, coming down the stairs with a suitcase and a laptop carrier.

"You're not giving this enough time. If we work a little harder maybe…,"

"This is not a "we" thing Noah. This is me. This happened to me," Luke was desperately trying to keep his composure. He needed to do this. He needed to make his own decisions. "I looked at the photos and the videos, and the read my journal entries. I was happy. I know that I was and I know that was because of you. I know that my life with you was everything to me and I am jealous. I'm jealous that I had everything that I ever wanted and now I don't have anything," Luke could feel the tears wanting to come to the surface. Noah walked across the room and took Luke's hands in his. Luke tensed for a moment, but then let himself relax.

"You have me. I am right here and I am not going anywhere. I love you Luke. I have loved you since the first moment I saw you. I **_need_** you in my life. Not having you in my life…I can't even imagine it,"

"I just feel like I'm forcing this. That I'm going through the motions. I want so badly to remember us and our life together, but I can't. I just can't. I can't while I'm living here," Luke slowly pulled his hands out of Noah's and wrapped them around the other man's. "I thought that this was the best place to remember things, but I can't here. It's just too much,"

"How can you expect to remember our life together if we're not together?"

"I just need to do this. I hope that you can understand. Please try to understand,"

"I can't,"

"I'm not the man that you married. Not anymore. That is why I have to go. I am so sorry," Luke scratched out. His voice was getting harder and harder to control. Noah forcefully pulled his hands out of Luke's grasp. The power behind that pull caused Luke to stagger slightly. He was afraid of this. Noah was getting angry. He was afraid that Noah would get upset and they wouldn't be able to talk about this rationally.

"You're sorry? You're giving up! You are giving up on us!"

"I'm not giving up on anything,"

"What do you call running out on me then?"

"I was afraid of this. This has nothing to do with you! This is about me and what I need!"

"You forget about us and you're telling me that this is not about me! I find that extremely hard to believe,"

"This is exactly what I'm talking about! This pressure is too much!"

"I have never **_once_** pressured you!" Noah asserted, his voice getting louder by the second.

"Not intentionally, no you haven't. But with every look and every gesture I feel that you are just waiting for me to…to…to perform. Like if I try just a little bit harder or concentrate a little longer than poof! I'll remember everything, but that is not how this works. I came here because I thought it would be less stressful and there would be less pressure, but it's worse," Luke said and he could see Noah's heart breaking in his eyes. "I have been here for weeks and all I've remembered is a broken cookie jar, you yelling at me, and us in my grandma's kitchen,"

"You didn't tell me that you remembered anything," Noah wanted to be excited, but the realization that Luke didn't tell him stabbed straight into his stomach.

"I'm sorry. This is not your fault. I understand why you did what you did, you were trying to protect me, but I don't need protecting. I know you didn't mean to make me feel pressured, I know that, but I just need time and I have to figure all of this out, alone," Luke lightly brushed his hand along Noah's arm, but Noah couldn't move. He was losing Luke and there was nothing that he could do or say about it. He knew that he could not force Luke to stay with him as much as he might want to.

"Where are you going to go?" Noah asked through a strangled voice.

"I'm going to stay at my grandmother's cottage; my dad is coming to get me. I am so sorry Noah. I never meant to hurt you. Just give me time to figure all of this out. I'm not leaving town. I promise to let you know what I decide, ok?" Luke tried to assure Noah that he was not fleeing town or running away, but he was sure that Noah didn't quite believe him. He watched Noah lean against the buffet in the living room and cross his arms. He was swallowing hard, trying not to cry out loud. He felt like his life was slipping through his hands and not matter how tightly he squeezed that was not going to change. He could plainly see that Luke had made up his mind and he could not force Luke to stay at the house. Noah learned early on that you don't force Luke Snyder to do anything that he didn't want to. As long as he was still in Oakdale, he would still see him. He also knew where he was going to be staying; at least that was something. It seemed that was all Noah had to hang to unfortunately.

Luke gathered his bags and stepped to the front door. He turned to face Noah and he could see that he was hurting Noah. He never wanted it to come to this, but he knew that he needed to do this. He needed to find out who he was now before he could commit to Noah.

"Thank you Noah. For everything," Luke said in a soft voice; hoping to ease the pain, if just for a moment. And he softly closed the door as he left.

* * *

"Is a memory a memory if only one of us remembers it?"

"What?" Jade asked and then leaned back in her chair. They had been at Yo's for nearly twenty minutes and that was the first thing he had said. He had been nursing the same beer for just as long. He called her right after Luke left and she could barely make out what he was saying. He said that he would meet her at Yo's and he would talk then.

"If only one of us remembers something, did it really happen?" Noah asked, he sounded so haunted.

"Of course it did. What brought this on?"

"Luke moved out and I keep thinking back on all the things I remember and I'm wondering if those things ever really happened. I remember kissing him on our first date, our first time, the night I proposed, all the things that we shared and I am the only one who remembers any of it. What has Luke remembered? A broken cookie jar, us in Emma's kitchen, and a fight we had. He doesn't talk to me anymore. I miss my husband," he was biting back tears now. He could feel his resolve slowly slipping through his fingers. "You know, and I hate to say this, but the Luke that is here now, is not the man I married. It feels like **_my_** husband died,"

"Noah,"

"I know, I'm sorry. It hurts to feel this way, but how else can I describe it? I am…I just feel like I am in mourning. My Luke is gone and I don't know if he is ever coming back. I keep replaying that last morning I spent with him, the day of his stroke. Was there anything different about him? Could I have done anything to help him?"

"Noah," Jade leaned forward and tried to get her friend's attention. "Look at me," Jade said and Noah looked up at her with tears swimming across his blue eyes. "None of this could have been prevented. None of it. It just happened. And I know that you did everything that you could to help him,"

"How do you know that?" Noah asked with grief-stricken voice. He wiped his tears away with the back of his hand. Jade gave him a soft smile and took her hands in his.

"Because I know you, that's how,"

Jade looked over at her heartbroken friend. What could she possibly do to help? She had known Noah for a long time and had seen her cousin flourish while he was with Noah. Both of them were always miserable when they weren't together, how could this be good for either of them? On some level she completely understood where Luke was going from, but she was sitting here looking at her friend and her heart bled for him and Luke and their marriage. She just prayed that it wasn't too late for them.

"I'll be right back," Jade told Noah and got up from her chair. She went to the ladies' room and pulled out her cell phone. The phone rang twice and then Casey picked up. "Hi, babe. We have got to do something about this. I know, but we can't do nothing. When I get home tonight, we are going to figure this out. I love you too. I'll be home as soon as I can,"

* * *

Luke had been living in the cottage for a couple days and he felt confused by what he experiencing. He was glad to have some time alone, but he missed Noah's presence. He was relieved to have the pressure off, but he wanted to work even harder to get his memories back. He knew that he flip-flopped a lot in his life, but he was getting motion-sickness over his mood swings lately.

He had an appointment later that day with Dr. Oliver and he was so excited. He knew that he had developed a little crush on his doctor, but that wasn't why he was excited. He was so relieved to meet someone who was as clueless about his past as he was. All of his friends and family knew everything about him and all of these expectations about him and were disappointed when he didn't remember a conversation they had or holiday they shared. That was why he needed to be alone. He needed to figure out everything that he was still capable of. As much as he wanted to believe that he was going to get his memory back, he could not deny the real possibility that he may not remember everything. He had to figure out who he was now and what he would do with his life if this was all there is.

He was sitting on the exam table and waiting for Dr. Oliver to come in. He was reading the posters on the walls, the labels on the cabinets in the small room, the pamphlets in a rack on the wall, he was doing anything to distract himself, and pass the time. Luke looked down at his watch, he was fifteen minutes late. Dr. Oliver was never late for their appointments.

Just when he was about to start pacing, the exam door opened. Luke looked up with a smile and saw a different doctor in a white lab coat. The doc was Dr. Chris Hughes.

"Hello Luke," Chris said.

"Hi,"

"How are you feeling today?"

"Ah, fine, but where is Dr. Oliver?" Luke asked getting a little uneasy.

"He referred you to me. So I'm going to be taking over your case from now on,"

"But Dr. Oliver was my doctor. I don't understand why, did he give you a reason?"

"Yeah, with the new wing and his other cases, he said that your case had progressed enough that you didn't need his expertise anymore," Chris said as he looked up from Luke's chart. Luke didn't know what to say. Dr. Oliver got bored with him and pushed him off on another doctor. Luke was polite and listened to Chris give him his opinions and advice, but inside he was preparing to see Reid and demand to know what the hell was going on.

* * *

It was nearly 10pm when Reid heard someone pounding on his door and was suddenly glad that Chris and Katie had left that evening with Jacob for a camping trip. He had a feeling that he knew who it was and was not relishing having to open it. He had just gotten out of a shower that he needed after another double shift, his third in the last two weeks. His mind was all jumbled and he needed to work to help straighten it out. He thought that he could escape to his home to help clear it up, but now the reason for his distress was now pounding on his front door. Reid let out a deep breath to prepare himself and opened the door. Luke rushed in and begun talking.

"Why did you refer me to another doctor?" Luke demanded an answer. Reid closed the door and he resigned that he was going to have to do this. He knew it would happen eventually, but he didn't want to have to tell Luke this.

"I just thought it would be for the best,"

"Why?"

"Because…because I just can't be your doctor anymore," Reid never felt this out of control before. He couldn't even give Luke a snarky remark or even a straight answer. Whenever he was around him, he just wanted so much. He wanted to touch him, to hold him, to kiss him, just be with him. He knew after their long conversation at the Snyder farm that he was getting too close. He knew that he had to step away. So he gave his case to Doogie. He thought it was for his own good, but Reid could not stop thinking about the pesky blonde.

"Why?" Luke demanded an answer and was not going to settle for a 'just because'.

Luke stood in front of Reid and felt like his body was tuned to Reid. That no matter what Reid did or would do, Luke could feel it. He could feel the heat coming from Reid as he stepped closer to him. Luke knew that Reid was attracted to him. He could tell in the tone of his voice when they talked to each other during their sessions. He could see it when they looked at each other, locking eyes from time to time. He just wanted to hear Reid say it.

But Reid didn't say it.

He stepped even close to Luke, so close Luke could smell the mint from his mouthwash. Reid lightly brushed his hand across Luke's cheek. The blonde could feel his face get hot, flushing his cheeks. Reid gave him a crooked smile; he looked so adorable right now. Reid could feel Luke's breath catch as he pulled Luke closer to him. Reid wanted this so badly. He had been fantasizing about this moment for nearly two months. How did he get this far? How did Luke manage to get past all of Reid's defenses? Reid wasn't even sure when he started to have feelings for his patient. The closest he could guess was during one of his initial visits. Luke had been sitting on his bed in the hospital, teasing Reid and that was the moment that Reid was gone. There was no going back after that.

Luke closed his eyes as he saw what he knew what was about to happen. Reid lightly brushed his lips across Luke's before he deepened it. Reid was still a little weary of getting this close, what if he was wrong? But as soon as Luke's hand went to his face, Reid knew that he was right. Luke captured Reid's bottom lip between his and lightly suckled on it. Reid wrapped his other arm around Luke's waist and pulled them together. Reid licked across Luke's lips to gain access at the mouth that he had been dying to taste for weeks. Luke allowed him in and moaned into Reid's mouth. This was exactly what Luke wanted.

_"I should have gotten you a clip-on. Hey don't strangle yourself,"_

_"Right now I wouldn't mind if I did,"_

_"I can do it," Luke offered to help Noah with his tie. He was so nervous about having lunch with his dad and Maddie. He couldn't turn a door knob, his hands were so shaky. Noah acquiesced, he needed to get out of here and he wasn't going to be able to do it on his own._

_Luke took the tie in his hands and started over. He knuckles brushed against Noah's chest as he tightened his tie. "Let me know if it's too tight,"_

_"Ok," Noah breathed out. Luke straightened the tie and reached up to fix his collar. Luke's eyes locked with Noah's. He could feel the air leaving him. He could almost see Noah's eyes darken._

_"What's wrong?" Luke asked as he saw the look in Noah's eyes. The last time he saw that look was that day in the kitchen. When Noah had him pressed against the island and their bodies were flush against each other._

_"Nothing," he answered Luke in a soft breath. He leaned down and softly kissed Luke. Luke pulled away, shocked Noah actually kissed him. He looked up at the brunette, making sure that this was really happening. When he saw nothing but want and acceptance in Noah's face, he moved in; kissing him right back. He was not going to look a gift horse in the mouth._

Luke was suddenly back in the present. He was standing in Katie's apartment and he was kissing Reid. And he needed to breathe. He pulled away; his hands resting on Reid's chest. Both men were breathless and needing oxygen.

"What's wrong?" Reid asked; his hand still deep in the hair at Luke's nape. He could feel Luke shaking under his hands.

"I, ah, I can't do this," Luke stepped farther back and out of Reid grasp. He looked at Reid and suddenly felt guilty for being here. "I'm sorry. I can't be here," Luke mumbled and was out the door.

Reid stood in shock for a few moments, staring at the closed front door. He finally collapsed on the couch when his legs gave out. He dropped his head into his hands. What had he done?

* * *

**Two little chapter left!**

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**Next time on _A Life Adrift _- Luke gets reaquainted with...Luke.**

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	12. Chapter Twelve

**Two chapters left!**

**Getting down to the end.**

**This chapter has a lot going on, take your time!**

**The song that Noah plays at the end is here - listen and you will love it! youtube(dot)com/watch?v=BT69sPIGCaI**

**Enjoy!**

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**Chapter Twelve**

As soon as Luke got back to the cottage, he jumped into the shower. He needed to clear his head; to literally wash away all that was going through him right now. He was so confused. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to be with Noah, but he could not deny what he felt when he remembered their first kiss. He was kissing Reid and it felt so so good, but he was thinking about Noah. He was remembering when he and Noah no longer friends, but more than that. He knew that he respected Reid and now some level he really liked him, but why would he remember his and Noah's first kiss when he kissed Reid.

Luke dug through his bag and pulled out a t-shirt. At the bottom of his bag he saw the leather bound journal that he took when he left. He tugged the book out and ran his fingers over the elegant etching of his initials on the cover. The leather was brown and soft to the touch. He brought the book to his nose and breathed in the warm scent. It was almost relaxing. He decided it was now or never. He grabbed a blanket and curled up on the couch; tucking his legs underneath him. Luke flipped open the journal. He noticed his familiar scrawl right away. It was a letter. A letter he wrote to Noah.

* * *

**_Dear Noah,_**

**_When you gave me this for my 20th birthday, you told me to write my life. This journal quickly became a book full of you. Because Noah, you are my life. I have never and will never love anyone else the way I love you._**

**_And to quote you, Thank you for being my love. For being my future._**

**_So, I am giving this back to you. As much as I have written, even this cannot convey the depth of my love for you._**

**_Happy Wedding Day!_**

**_Luke Mayer_**

**_September 4th, 2010_**

* * *

Luke wiped away the tears that were now rolling down his cheeks. He put the journal down and walked into the cottage's small kitchen. After pulling a bottle of water out of the fridge, he stood in the kitchen's doorway and stared at the journal sitting on the coffee table. Luke had wondered why all the other journal entries that he found on the hard drive didn't mention Noah much. Now he knew why; he had been writing down everything about him and Noah in another journal. This one.

Finally getting enough courage, he sat back down on the couch. He tucked his legs under him again and started to read.

He had included it all. Luke had gone back and written it all down. He documented their entire lives together. From the day they met to the night before their wedding. Luke got so excited when he realized what was in this book.

It had everything. The day they met, which Luke was glad to find out. Luke couldn't believe how mean he had been to Noah when they first met. He almost laughed while he imagined it. The fateful trip to Branson; where Luke arrived trying to help Gwen and Jade, but he returned home a third wheel. He wrote about Invisible Girl and then came Noah's father. After reading how he himself saw Colonel Mayer, Luke understood why Noah didn't tell him about him. From what Luke he could tell that the man was evil. He had tried to kill, twice, in the span of two days. Noah was ashamed of his father and he didn't want Luke to think about him.

Luke went on to read about Ameera. The first thing he thought of was _"What the hell were they thinking?" _But then Luke's heart broke when he read how sad he was; seeing them together and not being able to get close to Noah. Noah's relationship with Ameera would not be complete without the inclusion of trip to New York to save her. The pain that Luke felt seeing Noah in such distress and not being able to help him. Luke could tell that he had been suffering the whole time. And to read how Noah pulled him away brought tears to his eyes.

The tears continued to fall when he read about Noah's almost enlisting. The despair he felt when he watched that van pull away and Noah didn't try to stay. He could tell how much pain he was in at the time. But Luke smiled when he read that Noah returned to the farm and Luke's best decision was inspired by Noah.

Luke read about the start of his foundation. How he started it to make Noah proud of him to show him that they could do good in the world without carrying a gun. Luke felt a swell of pride after reading how fulfilled he was for all of the good things that he and the foundation was going. Luke always did want to make a difference somehow, but this was more than even he anticipated.

Luke smiled at the short entry about Noah coming back from Rome. He kept gushing about how good he looked and how much loved him and how good it felt to have him home finally.

Luke was shocked to read about the election. How could he let Kevin get to him like that? Why would he put something so miniscule in front of everything else; to put his dignity, his education, and his relationship with Noah aside to win. How could he be so stupid? He was glad to not remember this one. That pursuit to win cost him everything; it cost him Noah.

The next entry was written from a different perspective. Luke was now reading from entries as they were happening. Luke was floored when he read about Brian. He flipped from angry to disgusted; to read about a man that his grandmother obviously loved very much and to read how he betrayed her like that. No one would have believed him if he told them that Brian had come on to him. From the entries, Luke could tell that keeping it a secret was causing him to flounder and one entry with words slurred together confirmed that he had started drinking again too. Luke could feel the hopelessness settle in his chest. It was almost as if he was reliving it all again. His brain didn't remember, but his heart sure did.

Luke smiled when he read about the watch Noah had given him. Reading how romantic Noah was being and how glad Luke had been to finally have a chance to make up for everything that had happened. How they were able to look past all the crap that bogged them down and see the love that was still there. It was a much needed respite after all the pain that Luke had just read. Even though it was painful, Luke couldn't stop reading. He had to get through all of it.

_New Year's._

Everything seemed to unravel. At first Luke was shocked to read about that night, but then he thought better of it. It really didn't surprise him that he overreacted when he saw Noah and Maddie together. He wasn't surprised to read that he had drunk too much. He was a bit surprised that it was Brian he had kissed; the story that Noah had told him was mostly accurate. Reading how hurt Noah was, was the worst part. To think, they had such high hopes of making love for the first time, but then their relationship explodes into a million little pieces. Pieces that cut Luke's heart to ribbons.

Luke could not help but laugh at Casey and Alison's futile attempt to bring Noah and him back together. But it was Jade and Casey that managed to pull it off. To get them both amped up and angry and then getting them within reach of each other seemed to do it. Their love was undeniable. That was becoming more and more evident as Luke continued to read.

_Zac and Zoe._

Luke laughed out loud when he read about the Z twins. _'How did I not see right through their act?'_ Luke asked himself. The pair was obvious flaky and they caused so much havoc when they were in Oakdale. Trying to spilt them up, steal all of Luke's money, and then trying to force Luke to father a child. They also kidnapped Noah and held him for ransom. When he found him, then he had been held as well and Noah getting shot before the cavalry came in the form of Damian? Luke would have to check with someone else to make sure that Luke had made all of this up in a weird stream of creativity. Maybe it was fueled by too many lattes.

Going to work for Damian stunned Luke more than anything else in the entire journal. The last memory he had of his biological father was of him leaving Oakdale after the huge dust-up at the airport when Luke had a gun held to head by one of Damian's enemies. How could he have gone from that memory to what Luke was reading now? Noah's need for a connection with his father must have weighed heavily in Luke's mind too. Luke suddenly felt very guilty, about his dad. He must have had a really hard time dealing with Damian being in town. Luke made a mental note to apologize to his dad later.

If the Z twins were hard to believe then finding out that his dad died and that he really didn't die, but to then read how Damian knew the whole time…that was not a revelation. Damian was evil through and through. He was just glad that everything came out and Damian was not in town anymore.

**_How can I turn my back on my family's legacy? Damian left Grimaldi to me. To say that I am scared is an understatement, but going into that office and seeing those people. I can't turn my back on them. They are all counting on me. I hate to admit, but I really like working with them and for the company. It must be in my blood. I am part Grimaldi and part Walsh afterall, it was only a matter of time before I was called to the business world._**

Luke went on to read about vacations, birthdays, and anniversaries that he and Noah shared. He read how excited and proud he was about Noah graduating. How much Noah loved the video editing software that went with the Mac that Luke gave him as a gift. The gift that Luke got from Noah was a surprise to say the least.

* * *

_Noah had been acting strange all day. Sure he had just graduated from college and it was not surprising that he was leery about moving on with his life. Luke was sure that's what it was. The family party was just breaking up. The farm was a growing quieter and quieter and the clean up was just starting to begin. Luke was helping his dad bag up the used paper plates and napkins. Brad and Jack were spraying down the picnic tables and storing them in the back of the barn. Lily, Emma, and Janet were on put away the food duty. Luke was elbow deep in trash when he saw Noah coming from the direction of the pond._

_"Where have you been?"_

_"Can I talk to you? In private," Noah asked as he looked behind Luke and over at Holden. Luke was confused, intrigued, and little scared when he heard the nervousness in Noah's voice. He had pushed his hands in his front pockets; which was a clear side Noah was nervous._

_"I'm helping my dad…," Luke started to say, but was cut off by Holden._

_"It's ok Luke. You guys go ahead, I can get the rest," Holden said and Luke couldn't say no now, even if part of him didn't want know what Noah wanted to talk about. Noah slipped his hand into Luke's and they walked down the well worn path towards the pond. Luke could feel his heart racing and the adrenaline pumping. He was sure that he was having that fight or flight response right now. What he wasn't sure about was…which instinct was he experiencing…fight or flight._

_"Whoa, wait," Noah said, pulled on Luke's hand, and stopped in front of Luke. They were about two bends from the edge of the dock and the pond itself._

_"Why?"_

_"Just stay there for a second, ok?" Noah asked and Luke could only nod. Noah turned and ran down the path towards the pond. Luke watched him disappear towards the pond. He looked up and marveled at the dusk sky. The sun had just dropped below the horizon and a warm red and orange glow was coloring everything. The breeze was warm and Luke could still smell the remnants of the party. He was so proud of Noah and was so glad that his family had decided to throw him a party. It meant so much that Noah had been welcomed into the Walsh/Snyder brood._

_Noah came back up to Luke and was not wearing that worried look anymore. He looked relaxed and calm._

_"What is going on with you?"_

_"Nothing, just put this on," Noah said and laid a piece of fabric in Luke's hand. The fabric felt soft and it only took Luke two seconds to figure out what it was._

_"Did you steal this?" Luke asked with a mischievous grin._

_"When I got home that night, I hid it in the back of my sock drawer. I wanted to remember the single best moment of my life. Everywhere I've lived, I've taken it with me," Noah slid his hands up Luke's bare arms while Luke fingered the piece of clothing in his hands. He looked down at the green striped tie and smiled. He had held onto it all this time. Even after all the drama and break-ups, Noah never gave up on the two boys that first kissed in an office at a TV station._

_Noah pulled the tie out of Luke's hands and stepped around Luke. The next thing Luke knew, Noah was tying it over his eyes._

_"Noah. What are you…?"_

_"Just trust me,"_

_"With everything I am,"_

_Noah stayed behind Luke, he laced his fingers with Luke's and they walked the rest of the way to the pond. Luke was so afraid that he was going to step in hole and ruin this whole romantic thing that Noah was obviously going for. He could feel the ground changing and heard the hollow sound of the dock under their feet. Well, they made it to the dock and no one got hurt. Luke was still curious to what Noah was doing._

_"Leave the tie on, one more second," he felt Noah step away and then the sound of strumming guitars started._

_"I love this song," Luke said out loud as "Wild Horses" by The Sundays filled the still air._

_"I know. Ok, you can take the tie off now," Noah said as he nestled in close behind Luke. Luke could feel Noah's warm breath on his cheek and his hands resting on his hips as he pulled the tie away. But Luke's breathing all but stopped when his eyes finally focused._

_The pond was on fire, well not literally. Luke looked out over the pond and saw dozens upon dozens of water lanterns floating across the pond's surface. The small lotus flower shaped lanterns lightly bobbed in the water. Moving with the slow current of the pond. They were glowing in different colors from blue to green to pink to white. It almost looked like they were looking down on the stars. There were small candles that were hanging from metal holders suspended from the trees on either side of the dock. Luke looked down and saw white luminary bags were spaced around the perimeter of the dock. They stretched from the dock to half up the path to the house. Luke still could not breathe. He turned to look at Noah who was still standing behind him._

_"What did…why did you…?" Luke could not even speak. Noah laughed at his boyfriend's complete lack of speech; there was first time for everything. He slipped his hands into Luke's shaking ones and squeezed them tightly._

_"I did all of this because I love you. Luke, when I met you, I was a complete mess. I had locked myself into the closet and nothing was going to bring me out. That was until I met you. The more time I spent with you, the more I wanted you. Desperately, if I can be completely honest. We have been through so much and I would not change any of it. Well, I could skip getting shot, but," they both laughed and Noah could see the candlelight reflecting off the tears that wanted to spill from Luke's chocolate eyes. "Luke my life with you has been an adventure and I want to have that for the rest of my life. So, Luciano Eduardo Snyder, will you marry me?"_

_Luke let the tears overflow the edges of his eyes as Noah's question floated into his ears. He had been wanting this for so long, he almost couldn't believe it was real. He'd imagined it. A dozen different ways, but this was so much better than any fantasy. He took a deep breath and looked into the expectant face of his boyfriend. Noah swallowed; Luke was taking longer than he thought he should to answer him. This was all too much. They were only 23 years old. They were just about to sign the papers on their own house. This was too much to pile on at once. Noah was overdoing it again. Just before he was about to freak out, Luke softly cleared his throat and looked into blue eyes._

_"Noah, Noah Benjamin Mayer, there is nothing I want more than to marry you. Yes, Noah, I will marry you,"_

_Before anything else could be said, Noah pulled Luke to him, their lips meeting in a feverish kiss._

* * *

Luke dashed for the bathroom when this flash ended. He sat near the toilet while his stomach did the "Wave" inside him. He leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. He could feel that his hands and feet were tingling and his entire body was shaking. This flash was a doozy, in more ways than one. He was sure that he was going to have a headache after this one.

Luke slowly pulled himself to his feet and staggered into the living room. He reached into his jacket, carelessly slung over a chair, and pulled out his cell phone. He dialed the only person he could. The call rang twice then he picked up.

"Hello?" Asked the voice on the other end.

"Casey? I really need to talk to you,"

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**One more chapter left!**

**What do you guys think is gonna happen?**

**Really...I'm curious!**

**Next time on _A Life Adrift _- Luke re-evaluates his life.**

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	13. Chapter Thirteen

**This is the end. Last chapter.**

**I hope that you guys have enjoyed it.**

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**Chapter Thirteen**

"Luke? What's wrong? Its…it's three in the morning," Casey said with gravel lined voice. Luke looked at his phone and it was indeed 3:08 in the morning. He had been so caught up in the journal, that he had no idea what time it was.

"I'm sorry. I just, I really need to talk to you,"

"Are you hurt or in pain?" Casey asked, concern heavy in his voice.

"No, I just need to talk,"

"Luke, it's late or early. Look, go get some sleep and we can talk tomorrow. You really need to keep your strength up. Staying up all night is liable to put you back in the hospital. Ok?"

"Yeah, you're right. I know you're right. Sorry that I called so early. I'll talk to you tomorrow," Luke said and slid his phone shut. He thought that there was no way that he was going to be able to sleep, but as soon as his head hit the pillow, he was out. The exhaustion of his latest flash and learning so much had taken his toll.

* * *

Casey texted Luke later that morning that he would meet him for lunch. Luke sat at the Lakeview waiting for Casey. They were supposed to meet for lunch. It was Casey's idea and he was late. What else was new? Casey always did have terrible timing. Luke was ready for an excuse; Casey was always ready with an excuse. Luke looked down at his watch; it was a little after two and they were supposed to meet at one-thirty. Luke was getting frustrated and embarrassed for waiting here. He pulled out his cell and decided to call him again to find out what the hell was up.

"Casey, where are you?" Luke said into his phone after Casey's voicemail picked up. "I'm at the Lakeview. And I've been here for at least a half-hour. Lunch was your idea and you are late. Call me when you get this," Luke slid his phone shut and tucked it back into his pocket. He was going to give him ten more minutes and then he was going to leave. He needed to talk to Casey. He needed his advice for how he should handle what he was feeling for Noah. He had been going over all of these jumbled memories that were banging around in his head. He needed Casey's medical and friendly advice to help sort them out. Figure out what he should do now.

"Sorry, I'm late," a voice said behind him and came around to sit in front of him. Luke was shocked to say the least. What was Noah doing here?

"What are you doing?" Luke asked, wanting some sort of explanation.

"My friend Jade said that her boyfriend Casey had a friend and they set-up this blind date. I'm sorry I'm late. Did you order yet?" Noah asked as he opened his menu.

"Ah, no. What's going on?"

"Well, he can have lunch and get to know each other," Noah said as he looked up from his menu. Luke looked at him with a puzzled look on his face.

"This is crazy," he said as he stood up and started to walk away. Noah reached out and clasped onto Luke's wrist. Luke's pulse sped up as Noah's thumb brushed along the inside of his wrist.

"Luke, its just lunch. Please?" Noah asked softly. Luke looked at him and saw fragile hope in his eyes. Luke couldn't bear to say no. He had hurt him so much lately; that he just couldn't do anymore.

"Ok, we split lunch and you're paying for dessert," Luke gave him his demands before he moved back to his chair.

"You got it," Noah answered and settled into his seat while Luke sat back down into his. He was trying to convey calmness, but in reality he was jumping for joy inside. He coughed to relax his voice before he spoke. "So, Casey didn't tell me much about you expect that you're name is Luke and that you are hot,"

Luke blushed, he couldn't help it. This entire thing was ridiculous.

"So, do you have any family?"

"This is stupid," Luke uttered, not holding back. He shifted in his seat, clearing uncomfortable.

"Luke, come on. I'm trying," Noah confessed; he could feel his heart hurt. He would beg if he had to, but he was hoping that Luke would just go along with it.

"Ah, yeah," Luke gave in; rolling his eyes for emphasis. He was going to go along with this, even though it was nuts. "I have an older sister and brother, two younger sisters and a younger brother,"

"Wow, six kids in your family. You parents were a bit busy," Noah sipped his water. It felt like his mouth was lined with cotton.

"Well, my dad is the father of all the kids except me,"

"Really?"

"Yeah, my dad already had two kids when he married my mom. She was pregnant with me when they got together and they have three kids together. What about you?" Luke asked, but was then interrupted when the waitress came. They ordered and Luke looked to Noah to answer his question.

"I'm an only child, no real family to speak of. I have a lot of great friends though. Have you lived in Oakdale your whole life?" Noah asked and then took another sip from his water. His mouth was turning to sand he was so nervous.

"Yeah, most of it. My families are sort of institutions in this town, but I love it here. Where did you grow up?"

"My dad was an Army colonel so we moved a lot. I was never in one place for too long. When I graduated from high school I applied for summer internship at WOAK and I fell in love. With the town," Noah covered and Luke smirked at him. He was really trying to make this work. This crazy plan that he and Casey cooked up. "I enrolled in OU instead of Northwestern and I never looked back. What do you do?"

"Oh, well, I run a foundation that I started with money I inherited from my biological dad's family. I recently stepped down from CEO of my father's company, but I'm still on the board. And I recently enrolled in OU for the fall semester," Luke said and saw Noah do a double take. Luke knew that he would get a reaction out of him with that bomb-shell.

"Really? I didn't know that you…,"

"Yeah. I _left_ the school several years ago and I decided that I wanted to go back. I figured it was time,"

"What are you going to be studying?" Noah was desperate to know this. He leaned forward in his chair slightly. Luke had to bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling.

"I'm just taking my generals now, but I plan on getting a teaching degree,"

"I'm so proud of you," Noah blurted out. He knew that he was supposed to play like he had never met Luke before. It was Casey's plan. To show Luke that he was willing to start from the beginning again. To just be two guys dating and not two guys married. Casey hoped that this would give Luke equal footing with Noah in regards to their relationship. But Noah couldn't help it. As soon as he heard Luke say that he was going back to school, he felt this balloon of pride swell in his chest. He had to tell him how unbelievably proud he was of him. When those five words entered Luke's heart, his cheeks immediately blushed red and he gave Noah one of his little side smirks. The one that made Noah want to kiss him senseless.

"Thank you Noah,"

Their food came right after and they fell into conversation. They got to know each other and Luke quickly relaxed into their "date". Luke soon forgot that Noah knew nearly everything about him. He enjoyed himself. He was learning things about Noah that he didn't know before. Even though Luke had read nearly everything that he had written about Noah in his journal entries, he was finding out little things that he didn't know. For instance, Luke didn't know that Noah had never been to concert until he was 17. He snuck out of his house and went to a Coldplay concert in St. Louis with his best friend Gabe. That Noah had a crush on Miss Piggy when he was 5, that was until his heart was broken when he found out that she was a puppet. That the only memory he had of his mother was the perfume she wore. Whenever he smells Chanel No. 5, he gets a flash of her in their house at Fort Leonard Wood.

Luke was surprised how easy it was to be with him. He could see how he had fallen in love with him all those years ago. He felt safe around him. That Noah would do anything to keep him safe, if he had to. Luke was also surprised by how quickly the lunch crowd turned into the dinner crowd. He looked at his watch and saw that it was nearly 5pm. He was supposed to go to his mom's for dinner, but god help him, he didn't want to this to end.

Luke looked up and saw the maitre d' look over that their table for the sixth time; he figured it was time to call an end to this date.

"I think we are hogging this table," Luke said with a shy laugh. Noah looked over his shoulder and saw what Luke was referring to. He laughed at the frustrated host as well and turned back toward the blonde.

"I think you may be right," Noah said brightly and signaled for the check. The waitress quickly brought it and hoped for a big tip. These two guys had been talking and laughing for nearly three hours. She was almost positive that her tip would be good; people in a good mood always gave great tips.

The two men paid their bills and walked out into the parking lot. The late summer breeze was blowing across the lot and gave Luke Goosebumps. When he got ready for lunch, he had no idea that he would still out and didn't bring a jacket. He tucked his hands into his front pockets and they continued to their cars. Noah walked Luke to his car and the two men fell into a comfortable silence.

"Thank you Noah,"

"For what?"

"For a great lunch. I haven't had that much fun in a while,"

"I'm glad. Me neither," Noah felt like he was 18 years old again living with a huge crush on Luke and not knowing what to do about it. He looked down at his feet and racked his brain for his next move.

"Can I try something?" Luke asked and he watched as Noah's brow furrowed.

"Ah, I guess. What?"

"Just stay right there," Luke said and with a surge of courage he stepped into Noah's space. He cupped the taller man's cheek and brought Noah's mouth to his. Noah was stunned at first, but recovered. His hands went to Luke's hips and rested just at his waistline. Luke's other hand came up to hold Noah's mouth to his. He lightly sucked at Noah's lower lip, but kept the whole thing chaste. After everything that he put Noah through the past few months, he didn't want to go too fast. Noah could feel his heart racing so fast he thought he was going to pass out. He held tightly to Luke, using him to keep his knees from buckling. He knew that he missed this so much, but he forgot just how much until he felt Luke's soft lips against his own. Luke could feel his own temperature rising as he felt Noah's fingers dig into his sides slightly. He finally pulled away when he needed air. He didn't pull away from Noah though. He rested his forehead against the brunette's and took in a few slow breaths. He could feel Noah shaking under his hands. He could feel how much Noah wanted him in that moment.

"Thank you," Noah said breathlessly.

"For what?" Luke asked and leaned back to stare up at him. His hands were still caressing Noah's face; his thumbs lightly brushing against his cheekbones.

"For everything," Noah softly answered.

Luke looked into Noah's eyes and felt an uncontrollable swell of affection flood into his body. But it wasn't a just a flood, it was a tsunami. It was so intense that he almost had to gasp for air. He had never felt anything even close to this in his entire life. As he looked into his "date's" eyes, Luke wondered something. He was still thinking about it when Noah started to talk again.

"I guess we should call it a night," Noah said reluctantly. This day had been so great, that he didn't want to push it too much. They had talked, actually talked. He found it so easy to be like this with Luke. He could just turn off his nagging doubts and just be with Luke. Even though he knew so much about Luke it was nice to be just on a date with him, getting to meet this Luke again. He found himself telling Luke things that he never told him before. He felt like he did when they first started to date and that was the point. When Casey came up with this idea, Noah thought he was crazy. He thought there was no way that Luke would go along with it. Noah felt like this was his last chance to get Luke to try. Casey did have a good point too, the worst that Luke could say was no. Noah had to try and he was delighted by the results.

But he wanted to go as slow as Luke needed to.

"Yeah, maybe we should," Luke said as reluctantly as Noah had. He slipped his hands into Noah's and gripped them tightly.

"Can we do this again?" Noah asked expectantly.

"I would love to," Luke answered quickly and Noah had to fight the joy that wanted to burst out of him.

"Ok, great. I'll give you a call. Is that ok?"

"Yeah,"

"Goodnight Luke," Noah said softly and turned to walk away. His car was about twenty feet from Luke's. He had just slipped his key into the slot and unlocked his door when he heard Luke behind him.

"Hey, Mayer!" Noah smiled and turned to face Luke. "I just realized something," Noah raised his eyebrows, Luke had intrigued him. "I do believe that you still owe me dessert. Care for a milkshake at Al's?"

"That sounds perfect," he said and locked his car. He walked back to Luke's side and offered him an outstretched hand. Luke looked down at it quickly and Noah could see the blonde's cheeks blush a light shade of pink. Luke slipped his hand into Noah's and they walked the five blocks to Al's.

As they sat in their booth at Al's, Luke with his hot fudge shake and Noah with his strawberry shake, Luke's mind wandered back to that thought he had in the parking lot outside the Lakeview. He was thinking about that swell of feelings he had when he looked at Noah right after their kiss.

He was wondering if this was what it felt like to be in love with Noah Mayer.

Looking at Noah now, he had his answer.

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**Well, whatta think of the ending?**

**I'm glad that so many of you enjoyed it.**

**I have a couple more stories brewing. I have the next chapter of "Time to Say Goodbye" started and I promise I will finish it.**

**Thanks!**


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